More Trouble for Forestville’s Jellybean

Pine Lake Jellybean's last known whereabouts

Forestville’s favorite son has more problems.

According to sources about sunset last Friday, the man known only as “Jellybean” turned off of Pine Street and drove his road weary min-van to the home of his boss and employer Solomon Weeks.

Weeks rarely permits visitors to his modest home which is built in the shadows of the ESPN campus just off Birch street, but by 7PM, he had a full house of co-workers including Dan Blazjowski celebrating a new large snow plowing and landscaping contract.

Jellybean entered Solomon’s living room and after acknowledging the gathered guests he picked up the guitar that was on display above the fireplace.  Unable to find the sound he was looking he dropped the autographed six string Fender on the floor, and went to the kitchen in search of a drink.

Jellybean opened various beverages and drank from each one until he found a suitable cocktail.

Leaving the opened containers behind, he then took a bath and returned to the kitchen wearing just a bandanna around his head.

“Hey Blaz,” Jellybean eagerly said acknowledging his snow plowing partner. Grabbing Blazjowski affectionately Jellybean said it was good to see him but did he have any beer.  Blazjowski motioned with his head to the garage. Raising an eyebrow Jellybean darted to the garage to find an ale of his liking.

“I can’t believe it,” Solomon Weeks said to Blazjowski near the foyer. “Jelly came by just after Jeopardy and he’s been on fire since he got here.”

After returning from the garage and playing an impassioned game of Pictionary with Al Tunis, Bob Kneeper and several others, Jellybean began making long distance phone calls from the Week’s land line and ordered pizzas from several area establishments because he, Tunis and Kneeper were hungry.

After the pizzas arrived and Jellybean could not find anything suitable to drink he left the party.  He was last seen parked near Pine Lake early Saturday morning but has not been seensince.

 

 

Deavers Halloween Party

There is a great divide socially and economically when it comes to living in Forestville, you either live north of the railroad tracks or south of the railroad tracks, there is no in between.  However, when it comes to a party at the home of John and Barbara Deavers, Forestville’s most opulent couple, it does not matter where you reside in the village because for that brief moment we are all one.

It seemed as though all of Forestville attended the Deavers annual Halloween Party at their palatial estate last Saturday night.  The guest list included Audra and Solomon Weeks, Cookie Gension, Juan Gutierrez, Kletis Denim, Mitchell Luby and a date, Hank Lee Bowers and his wife Lisa, Mike Hill, Al Tunis, Bob Kneeper, Mr. and Mrs. Youch, Joe Kapperstein, Dewey Jasper, Norbert Pendleton, Zack Flanders, party crashers Maria Malvado and Silas Minutia, Larson Canover, Heather Ross and her husband Rick and countless others.

Unfortunately John Deavers was not in attendance because he was away on business, and what a shame because he missed another fantastic party thrown by his wife.  Their home was decorated in Halloween garb and the band hired for the night played a steady soundtrack of rock-n-roll hits from the 60s, 70s and 80s.

The best costume prize, which is very popular and brings out the best in Forestville’s residents creativity, went to garage mechanic Hank Lee Bowers.  Mr. Bowers attended the party dressed as a breathalyzer.

At the end of the evening Mrs. Deavers assured me their annual Christmas Party will go on without Mr. Deavers as he will be away.  She will conduct their carol sing through the streets of Forestville…north and south of the railroad tracks.

Bob Knepper buys ping pong table, friends and neighbors happy

Ping pong table rasies eyebrows

Village resident Bob Knepper recently purchased a ping pong table, much to the delight of his friends and neighbors.  According to Mr. Knepper he bought the $650.00 table (62” H x 74” W x 30” D) so he and his buddies can get together and play table tennis on Saturday nights.  It is thought to be the only recreational game of its kind in the central Connecticut village.  Consequently, neighbors have been marveling at its appearance in the Knepper garage for two days.  As a result, the purchase has caught the attention of Heather Ross, President of the Forestville Tourism Association (FTA). 

 The long time FTA president said the ping pong table will be good for the community, and she will consider adding it to the “Things to Do” section of the Forestville Visitor’s Guide.  However, in a statement Ms. Ross showed frustration, “I am disappointed that this recreational game was purchased online from an out of state merchant.  Forestville residents are aware that should be dutifully supporting Forestville retailers.  Knepper knows this and he better get with the program.  This is not the first time.  I will notate this in his permanent record.”

Mr. Knepper said he looks forward to discussing the matter with Heather Ross so he can set the record straight.

Area man has penis enlarged, gets a Harley

Bob Knepper bought a Harley and had his penis enlarged

Forestville Village resident Bob Knepper recently had his penis enlarged, according to hospital documents acquired from an anonymous source.

 

The 46 year old Knepper denies he is going through a mid-life crisis.  Friends say he had hair plugs installed six months ago, and for his most recent birthday, purchased a motorcycle. “What’s the big mystery,” Knepper asked rhetorically. “Chicks dig a guy with a big dick and a Harley.”

 

Sources familiar with Knepper’s situation report Mrs. Knepper is thrilled.  But she admits she was unaware of the motorcycle.

 

AB

Librarian forced to shush library patron

A librarian was forced to shush a patron Monday morning at the Manross Memorial Library on Central Street, according to public records.  The unnamed librarian gave Bob Knepper a terse directive to shush because he was laughing in the aisle of the non-fiction section.  Several book borrowers stopped what they were doing to see the librarian and Mr. Knepper engaged in a short simmering stare.

Man shushed at Manross Memorial Library

 

 

Witnesses said the matter was tense as the librarian and Mr. Knepper were only a few meters apart at the time of the outburst.  Those familiar with the situation say the librarians supervisor did authorize the use of the shush as a means to curtail the laughter. Eventually friendly relations were stabilized between the librarian and the book borrower with some polite whispering at the librarians work station.  However, there remains a divide according to one source, “I think there is always a fragile balance between the lender and the borrower because no one likes to be shushed.”

In the wake of the ruckus, library officials plan to place additional “Quiet” signs throughout the building in a large font.

Last week a library patron was spoken to about popping bubbles with her gum.  But according to public records clashes between librarians, and the public they serve are uncommon at Manross.