Forestville business community advised to dismiss the death of Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson

My sources tell me that a memo is currently being drafted by the Forestville Toursim Association (FTA), and is under consideration to be mailed to all Forestville business establishments.  The letter advises them to instruct their employees to not be depressed about the death of singer Michael Jackson.  A portion of the missive drafted by FTA President Heather Ross and an unknown underling reads, “The death of Mr. Jackson is unfortunate but it should have no effect on the business community in Forestville.  Please remind your employees that people don’t come to Forestville to be depressed.  They come here for goods and services.”   

Ms. Ross could not be reached for comment. 

 To be continued?

Bob Knepper buys ping pong table, friends and neighbors happy

Ping pong table rasies eyebrows

Village resident Bob Knepper recently purchased a ping pong table, much to the delight of his friends and neighbors.  According to Mr. Knepper he bought the $650.00 table (62” H x 74” W x 30” D) so he and his buddies can get together and play table tennis on Saturday nights.  It is thought to be the only recreational game of its kind in the central Connecticut village.  Consequently, neighbors have been marveling at its appearance in the Knepper garage for two days.  As a result, the purchase has caught the attention of Heather Ross, President of the Forestville Tourism Association (FTA). 

 The long time FTA president said the ping pong table will be good for the community, and she will consider adding it to the “Things to Do” section of the Forestville Visitor’s Guide.  However, in a statement Ms. Ross showed frustration, “I am disappointed that this recreational game was purchased online from an out of state merchant.  Forestville residents are aware that should be dutifully supporting Forestville retailers.  Knepper knows this and he better get with the program.  This is not the first time.  I will notate this in his permanent record.”

Mr. Knepper said he looks forward to discussing the matter with Heather Ross so he can set the record straight.

Forestville has new pothole!

Newest pothole in Forestville

Forestville residents awoke this morning to a new a pothole!  New word yet on when repairs will be completed to the deformed road.  However, sources close to Forestville Tourism Association President Heather Ross say she is quite upset about the deformities to the pavement surface, and plans to investigate the matter.  Big surprise.

Barking dog horrifies community leader

Don't bark there Fido

During a random drive through Forestville Thursday evening, a dog was heard barking in the Daley Street area just after 7PM.  Heather Ross President of the Forestville Tourism Association is aghast, “This sickens me.  We all know a barking dog means trouble, and if this type of thing keeps tourists and visitors away from the village, there will be hell to pay.” 

 

Miss Ross has asked Larson Canover, the Forestville Information Minister to investigate the matter.  “If it is found that this dog was coaxed into barking by being promised a treat or a biscuit for doing some silly trick then we will speak to the owner,” said an agitated Ross.

 

Oh boy, here we go. 

 

Shortage of Number 2 Pencils outrages citizen

Pencil shortage in Forestville

Community leaders are trying to quell rumors that stationary stores in the village of Forestville are out of Number 2 pencils.  “Simply not true,” said Heather Ross President of the Forestville Tourism Association.  “We don’t have any stationary stores in Forestville so how can we be out of something we don’t have?”  

 

Forestville Information Minister Larson Canover said rumors of a pencil shortage are misinformation and urged Forestville residents to remain calm and to carry on with their day to day activities.  Resident Pedro Hernandez is not satisfied “I have important paper work to do.  No self respecting person would use anything other than a Number 2 pencil.  This is a basic a necessity and I can’t find a Number 2 pencil anywhere.  I may have to move.”

 

The state of Connecticut makes the top 5

Connecticut state capitol, Hartford (file photo AB)

A recent study completed by the Bureau of Vital Statistics concluded that the state of Connecticut with its great moderate climate, four seasons, and numerous hills is one of the top five states in New England.

 

“Do you know what this means?  More visitors to Forestville,” said an enthusiastic Heather Ross, President of the Forestville Tourism Association.  “Sure, some states may have better schools, reduced liability costs, and lower taxes.  And other states may brag about highway projects that finish on time, lower gasoline taxes and less regulation but we have lots of trees.”  According to the report a key to Connecticut’s status is the fact that the leaves on their trees change color in the fall too. 

 

The states were graded on tourism, ecology, roads, environment, and taxes. 

 

The bureau made note that there are only six states in New England, but while naming Connecticut, New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine and Massachusetts to the top five list, they did not publish the name of the state that did not make the list.  Sorry Rhode Island.  Oops, did I just do that? 

 

A spokesperson for Connecticut Governor M. Jodi Rell said she was thrilled with the report. 

 

Dirty snow banks get the ire of local official

Around the Village Today Part II Saturday December 27, 2008

One of Forestville's dirty snow banks

I just bumped into Heather Ross, President of the Forestville Tourism Association (FTA) at the post office.  Forestville was blanketed with 14 inches of snow last week, and Miss Ross is upset about the dirty snow banks around the village.  “This is a blight issue.  The snow banks have gone from clean to dirty.  Outsiders believe we are a grubby people because are snow banks are so filthy.”

 

Ross would like to see corrective measures to clean the snow banks, “The Public Works Department does a….good….job but they could be doing more such as painting the snow banks white.  Midwestern states mix beet juice with brine to form a biodegradable brew that freezes at a lower temperature.  No sand, no dirt.  Simple.”

 

How did I get here?  I am headed over to Legends Sports Bar for a pop.  Are they open yet?  More later.