Forestville car mechanic warns Hamas ‘stop burning US flags it’s so 80s’

December 30, 2008
Car mechanic wants to know why guns are not fired in the air as a form of protest anymore.

Car mechanic wants to know why guns are not fired in the air as a form of protest anymore.

American flags are burning in the Middle East once again due to the recent violence in the Gaza Strip, and auto mechanic Hank Lee Bowers has had enough “We get it.  You don’t like us but knock it off.  The flag burning thing is so old.”

 

Surrounded by colleagues near his work bay, the 38 year old grease monkey exclaimed, “Whatever happened to just shooting their guns in the air?  It’s stupid but at least it was original.”

 

Before completing his work duties for the day Mr. Bowers warned, “Hezbollah, Hamas, al Qaida the whole lot of em, come up with something new or we won’t be offended anymore.”

 

AB


Wrist injury lands local Dominatrix on disabled list

December 28, 2008

Around the Village Today, Part III

Doctors say Mistress V will be up on her stilettos in 3 to 4 weeks
Doctors say Mistress V will be up on her stilettos in 3 to 4 weeks

It has been a long day so before I put the blog to bed for the night, I will close with this story.

 

Forestville dominatrix Mistress V will not be taking appointments for several weeks due to a wrist injury. 

 

The popular 5’9 dominatrix has been complaining of pain in her wrist for many months.  Associates say she suffers from carpel tunnel syndrome. 

 

Mistress V has a reputation for her expertise with the whip, but due to the injury she has been unable to flick or snap her whips and floggers and create the desired pain for her clients. 

 

Doctors say depending on the severity of the injury and with proper rest and rehabilitation she could be back on her stilettos within 3 to 4 weeks. 

 

“I am going to take it one day at a time.  I have been very blessed so God willing I will resume seeing clients shortly,” said the 35 year old dominatrix following church services Saturday. 

 

Area submissives are having a difficult time dealing with this setback “This region lacks depth when it comes to female domination.  So I guess I will resort to monitoring the swinger magazines and the Hartford Advocate for a dominatrix until she recovers,” said one man who wished to remain nameless.

 


Dirty snow banks get the ire of local official

December 27, 2008

Around the Village Today Part II Saturday December 27, 2008

One of Forestville's dirty snow banks

One of Forestville's dirty snow banks

I just bumped into Heather Ross, President of the Forestville Tourism Association (FTA) at the post office.  Forestville was blanketed with 14 inches of snow last week, and Miss Ross is upset about the dirty snow banks around the village.  “This is a blight issue.  The snow banks have gone from clean to dirty.  Outsiders believe we are a grubby people because are snow banks are so filthy.”

 

Ross would like to see corrective measures to clean the snow banks, “The Public Works Department does a….good….job but they could be doing more such as painting the snow banks white.  Midwestern states mix beet juice with brine to form a biodegradable brew that freezes at a lower temperature.  No sand, no dirt.  Simple.”

 

How did I get here?  I am headed over to Legends Sports Bar for a pop.  Are they open yet?  More later. 

 


State employee from Forestville calls in sick, Governor urges calm

December 27, 2008

Around the Village Today

Edward Funkhousen, a clerk with the state of Connecticut Department of Transportation called in sick to work Friday morning, according to state records. 

 

Governor Rell urges calm

Governor Rell urges calm

State officials are not concerned but they did observe that this was the second Friday within the last nine months in which Mr. Funkhousen took sick time.  Governor M. Jodi Rell urged residents to remain calm, “Due to

the large deficit we are facing this is disappointing, but not unexpected this time of year.” 

A spokesperson for DOT said the employee was day to day, but was probable for work on Monday. 

 

 

Mr. Funkhousen could not be reached for comment.


Missing shopping cart upsets local supermarket leads to historic grocery store summit

December 23, 2008
Stop & Shop Pine Street Forestville, CT

Stop & Shop Pine Street Forestville, CT

A well-liked shopping cart is reported to be missing from Stop & Shop’s cart corral on Pine Street.  The chrome metal wire basket cart was last seen in Aisle 6 Thursday evening.  The cart was popular with young children due to its wobbly wheels. 

 

Carriage missnig leads to historic grocery store summit

Carriage missnig leads to historic grocery store summit

Local grocery store officials are concerned because last week a cart disappeared from the Shop Rite Cart Corral on Farmington Avenue.  Sources familiar with both incidents say that employees from the Pine Street Stop & Shop and the Farmington Avenue Shop Rite (Bristol) are planning a historic summit to address their shopping cart concerns.  Negotiations have been vague on specifics but one source said, “This summit is a diplomatic achievement and will lay the ground work for the normalization of bilateral relations between these retail adversaries.” 

The historic meeting will not include employees from Big Y Supermarket or Shaw’s Supermarket. 


Forestville man has headache, Doctors find miraculous cure

December 18, 2008

Brain x-ray during a headache

Brain x-ray during a headache

Forestville area man Mark Dresden sought medical treatment yesterday for a headache.  Mr. Dresden was examined and released shortly after lunch on his own recognizance from an area medical facility.  His wife Claire said he was resting comfortably and watching Fox News.  Doctors expect Mr. Dresden to make a full recovery. 

 

  

  

  

  

  

 

 

 

Mitchell Luby contributed to this story.

 

AB


Loverboy to ruin New Year’s celebration

December 18, 2008

Around the Village Today – New Year’s Party Update

 

 

Canadian rock group Loverboy scheduled to ruin New Year's

Canadian rock group Loverboy scheduled to ruin New Year's

Barbara Deavers asked me to bring music to her “Auld Lang Syne” celebration.  She specifically requested 80s music from artists such as Journey, Bryan Adams and Loverboy.  Loverboy?  I don’t own any Loverboy music so I had to download it and now I have to live with that shame.  Thanks to her, the permanent search record on my computer now includes the word “Loverboy.”  I hope a monkey pees in her drink on New Year’s.

 

 

In a related matter, Zack Flanders is back in town.  Will he be at the party? I don’t know but from what I remember he is a Loverboy fan.  

 

AB

 

 

 

 

 

 

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