Forestville resident Bob Knepper has Poison Ivy

May 21, 2014


The rumors are true.  Forestville’s Bob Knepper has contracted Toxicodendron radicans,otherwise known as poison ivy, an irritating rash. 


“It’s never good news when you have poison ivy, but it’s pretty mild,” Knepper said.


Mr. Knepper’s yard does not have any poison ivy within its boundaries and he is not saying how he came in contact with it.  However, he has previously contracted the rash and expects it will run its natural course. 


Several residents were aghast when they heard the news.  “This is typical for Bob Knepper!” exclaimed one.  Another said, “Freaking Knepper man.”  Knepper himself is quite dismissive of the entire affair “I don’t understand what the big deal is?  It’s a rash.”


To treat the irritant Bob is taking short, lukewarm baths and antihistamine pills to reduce the itching. 


Mr. Knepper’s wife had not comment about the matter.



Kids Soccer Ball Held Hostage

May 5, 2014

socceer ball

Two area children were kicking a soccer ball back and forth Saturday and mistakenly kicked it into the garden of their neighbor, the renowned curmudgeon Mr. Fibbles.

Mr. Fibbles, a retired grocer, initially refused to return the ball to the boys. One of the boy’s mothers, who declined to be identified, is negotiating with Mr. Fibbles and believes they’re close to an agreement on the safe return of the ball. Both sides want to keep moving forward, she said.

We shall see.

Forestville Resident to Self-Publish a Book

May 3, 2014

Silas Minutia is going to publish a book about theoretical words. Theoretical words are words which are not real and only exist in theory.

The author is hoping that in the course of reading through the white boring pages with no illustrations, images or photos, readers will discover words that cannot be found in any dictionary. The book will be published in July and will be available in book stores.

This is going in to be a difficult read for some residents. Are you reading this Mitchell Luby?
gibberish 2

Mr. Fibbles done with the Gregorian calendar

May 2, 2014

Forestville’s curmudgeon Mr. Fibbles said he will forever live by a fiscal calendar for the remainder of his days because he is fed up with the Gregorian calendar. “I don’t trust it, I don’t like it and I don’t need it,” Mr. Fibbles remarked recently at the checkout counter at Cumberland Farms. okaaaaay.

Limping Larry Watching Time

May 1, 2014

Local limping icon Limping Larry visited the Forestville Clock Thursday presumably to watch time go by. “He just sat there on the bench looking up at the clock and eating an apple,” said Silas Minutia.

Limping Larry has been walking with a limp for so long that locals no longer recall why he limps. Larry’s friend Bob Kneeper keenly observed “At this point in time I think he limps out of habit.”

The Forestville Clock

The Forestville Clock