Local Man’s Dictionary Stolen

January 31, 2015
Dictionary Stolen

Dictionary Stolen

Three masked women forced themselves into the home of Forestville resident Kenneth Snipps and stole his dictionary earlier this week, according to authorities.

Around 10:15 a.m. Wednesday, the trio entered his home wearing cute matching ski masks, leather gloves and London Fog pea coats, with removable scarfs while Mr. Snipps was watching Doctor Who.

Police say one of the perpetrators held Snipps at bay, while the others rummaged through his library and removed the book.

The women escaped in a Cashmere colored Dodge Grand Caravan, and were last seen crossing the bridge near Nuchie’s southbound to Southington and giggling.

Mr. Snipps was not injured but wants his dictionary returned. Reportedly it was signed by the author and all the verbs were highlighted with a yellow marker.

Anyone with information is asked to contact the Forestville Citizens Police at Ext. 28.


The Feral Cat Address

January 19, 2015
A cat.

A cat.

Mayor Ken Cockayne has come under fire from animal rights activists and citizens around the world for a feral cat problem gripping Bristol and the village of Forestville. The city is accused of murdering stray cats near a shopping plaza on Farmington Avenue. The mayor and the Housing Authority charged with remedying the problem deny the allegations. “This is not Dachau,” said a Housing Authority employee.

According to a member of Mayor Cockayne’s staff the mayor plans to give a speech about the matter. “This speech is to be Gettysburg, Checkers, Day of Infamy, Military Industrial Complex, American University, and I Did Not Have Sex With That Woman Speeches all rolled into one,” according to the source.

A draft of the speech is below.

“Seven days and one minute ago, a date which will live in infamy, a new problem, conceived in lies and misunderstandings was brought forth to my desk by way of memo.

We are engaged in a great feline war testing whether this city’s animal control system so conceived and so dedicated can long end this struggle. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes.

For in the final analysis, our most basic common link with these cats is that we all inhabit this small city. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s futures. And we are all mortal.

Therefore, I have a dream that these cats shall not vanish in vain – that this city, under God, shall have a new birth – and that the feral cats from the streets – of the streets and by the streets shall not perish from the earth.”


Forestville Fourth Graders Announce Baseball Card Trade

January 17, 2015

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Billy and Owen 4th graders at Greene Hills School traded baseball cards during lunch Thursday.

The terms of the deal were not disclosed but sources say the boys swapped a total of seventeen cards including a card to be named later.

The negotiations were tense and there was name calling on both sides, but the deal was finalized when Billy included his father’s 1970 Nolan Ryan card. “Dad doesn’t know yet,” said a sheepish Billy.

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Forestville Group Opens a Time Capsule After Seven Days

January 10, 2015
Peck Park

Peck Park

A time capsule, placed in the ground one week ago by the community group Friends of Forestville and scheduled to be opened in the year 2035, was opened Tuesday after being buried for just seven days. According to one of its members Toby Jacks, “We just couldn’t wait any longer the anticipation was killing us.”

The time capsule included photos, a bus schedule, coins and other items pertaining to Forestville and the year 2015. The capsule was buried in the area near Peck Park and according to Toby the group plans to bury it again in the same location sometime next week.


Man Late with Library Book Seeks Protective Custody

January 4, 2015
These books are not late

These books are not late

On a bright warm June day around mid-morning, a smallish middle aged man walked up Central Street and stopped at the Manross Library numbered 260. Ten minutes later he approached the front desk to check out a book. The book was date stamped a bookmark secured and out the front door the man went disappearing into the streets of Forestville. To date the two have not been seen again.

Months passed and the library seeking the return of their property issued dunning notices to the patron. The notices advised of the over due date, fines and possible reprisals terrified the book borrower.

Fearing retaliation he asked the Friends of the Library to broker a deal. They refused. He sought asylum from the Plainville Library but that request was rebuffed. He then requested protective custody from law enforcement and that too was denied.

Out of options the “Folio Fugitive” hopes for an amnesty day when the library will waive late fees on overdue items.