The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse, described as harbingers of end times by critics, will be visiting Forestville this Friday.
According to their spokesperson the four riders known as Death, War, Famine and Plague are just passing through to see an old friend, but due to the long ride their horses will have a medical health check at a local horse farm before leaving.
Forestville’s Church of Satan is preparing like it’s a papal visit with a Black Mass, readings from the Necronomicon and plenty of food, drink, sex, and general merriment. It’s a feast with all the trimmings!
However, local Christian leaders are on edge because they fear there is more to the trip than just a social visit to Forestville. Consequently churches will be open 24 hours a day until further notice.
Local hospitals are anticipating unusual illnesses so they are stocking up on medications and blood supplies.
A spokesperson for the Horsemen said the fears are unjust. “They want to see a friend and then get the horses checked. That’s it. No seven seals. No final judgement. No divine apocalypse. Sorry, hate to disappoint. Although you people keep busting stones on this end of day’s thing and well…they may change their minds.”