Stock your cupboards Syrian Refugees are Coming! Mayor Urges Calm

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Forestville social media is on fire with rumors that Syrian refugees fleeing their war torn country will be relocated to Forestville as part of an organized international humanitarian program.

Residents expressed outrage because there will be a run on Syrian cuisine at the supermarket. “If they think they are going to come here and eat all of the kebab and hummus they’ve got another thing coming,” said Silas Minutia.

Added another equally frustrated and furious Dewey Jasper,  “I am stocking up now on baklava. My pantry will be filled to capacity shortly and I will protect it at all costs. Lock and load baby!”

The mayor, seeing matters were spiraling out of control, took to the airwaves to quell fears. “Remain calm people. There will be enough Syrian food and food from the entire Ottoman empire to go around. I give you my word as your mayor and as your neighbor.”

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