Walking Tours of Academy Street

December 31, 2015
Academy Street

Academy Street

The Forestville Tourism Association provides walking tours of Academy Street, the last Sunday of every month at 3 p.m.

“I show them both stop signs, the fire hydrants and the sidewalk; the cracks too if there is time. It’s a lot of fun!” said Heather Ross, one of the guides.

Looking south.

Sometimes the cracks are discussed.

Academy Street is one of Forestville’s oldest and trusted roads. The street is in good shape and has shown to have dependable topography making it a driving and walking favorite.

Additional sites featured are the trees lining the sidewalk, the grass and the telephone poles that adorn both sides of the roadway.

Tickets are 5 bucks for adults 4 bucks for children under the age of one. Residents of Academy Street can do the tour for free provided they show a lease agreement or a deed to their property.

Tickets can be purchased in advance at the Forestville Tourism Association or the Forestville Historical Society.


Council Considers Talking Ban in Parks

December 30, 2015
City Hall

City Hall

On the heels of a new park ordinance which added numerous restrictions to behavior in city parks, town councilors are considering more restrictions, including limiting the amount of talking that takes place in parks.

According to City Councilor Calvin Brown, “All humans recycle the carbon dioxide they inhale when they exhale. Do you know what that does to the environment? No? Neither do I so until we know for certain we need to limit the talking in public parks to save the environment.”

Another idea receiving attention is the banning of off color jokes and jokes people do not understand. A board or commission will be appointed in order to determine what is humorous for the residents of Forestville and Bristol, should the ordinance be adopted.

“Laughter can be scary when you do not know why people are laughing,” Councilor Brown remarked. “Are they laughing at you? Are they laughing at me? Why are they laughing? Should they be laughing? Should I be laughing? As a council we think restrictions on laughter and humor in general must be set in place.”

Mr. Brown confessed laughter and verbal communication are healthy outlets for humans but wondered if they are they are being used at the expense of humanity.

Other ideas under consideration for public parks: no running, no walking and no acts of joy or playing in areas which contain grass, no eye contact, and no getting wet while swimming in a park pool, stream or pond. If these measures are adopted violators will be fined, imprisoned or worse.

Grim Reaper to Visit Forestville

December 29, 2015
Visiting Forestville

Visiting Forestville

The Grim Reaper, also known as the Angel of Death, will be spending the entire day in Forestville Friday. The trip is the first stop on a four town tour of Connecticut.

“The Grim Reaper’s trip to Forestville underscores a commitment to the region,” said the press release.

Outside the Church of Saint Matthew and other culturally important locations in Forestville Tuesday morning, police officers and federal agents were standing guard, more than 72 hours before the Angel of Death was expected to arrive.

The Reaper will be clothed in full regalia during his visit with his customary black cloak, black hood and large scythe.

“His arrival will be heavily policed,” a law enforcement source said. “Businesses will be closed, homes shuttered and roadways shut down.”

In the morning, The Grim Reaper will meet with the Andore family at their private residence.

In the afternoon, he will attend a luncheon a Nuchie’s.

Later, the Grim Reaper is scheduled to deliver remarks at a yet unnamed area retirement home.

He is reportedly spending the overnight in Forestville. It will be the first time in almost 150 years that the Grim Reaper has slept in Forestville his spokesperson said.

Trade Deadline Approaching Forestville and Plymouth Look to Make Deal

December 28, 2015
Municipal Trade Deadline 2015

Municipal Trade Deadline 2015

The trade deadline for municipalities occurs at the end of the calendar year and fiscal year. So, with the end of the Gregorian calendar year looming, the trade deadline is rapidly approaching.

Municipal sources fully expect Forestville and Plymouth to make a deal regarding personnel, resources or assets.

Plymouth and Forestville trade?

Plymouth and Forestville trade?

Plymouth is really struggling due to its various scandals and needs good quality people so insiders look for them to be active here at the trade deadline. Forestville is loaded with talent but needs office supplies such as toner and paper clips. These are resources that Plymouth has so they are a perfect fit.

“I think office supplies and equipment plus other resources like sod, tar and a traffic light to be named later, could come to Forestville for a song,” said one insider. “I know Plymouth fancies Phil in Accounting over there in Forestville. He is young; he is bright and he understands basic accounting principles. However, do they have enough assets to make that happen?” questioned the insider.

Added another, “As shown with Depot Square, the mayor of Forestville and Bristol is a patient man so look for him to sell high, if needed, and buy low. The problem though? Union contracts. Does he want to take that on?”

Government observers say this deal may come right down to the wire.

The municipal trade deadline is Thursday, December 31, at 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

Trade deadline getting close

Trade deadline getting close

A Group of Parents Want Erasers Banned from School System

December 27, 2015
Board of Education Building

Board of Education Building

Following school last Wednesday, a group of angry parents met with Board of Education (BOE) officials because they are fuming that their children were allowed to take a standardized state test with erasers at the tip of their pencils.

BOE officials sat patiently and listened to parents complaints for several hours.

Marcy Tobins, whose daughter attends an area high school said, “I was shocked to discover that my child had access to an eraser. Allowing children to have erasers sends a message that it’s okay to make mistakes. What is wrong with you people?”

Another parent, whose son attends the same school, added, “If students did not have access to erasers it would improve test scores because it would force them to get the answers right the first time without the ability to correct their work.”

Ellen Zapata attended the meeting too and said she demands academic excellence from six of her seven children at all times. She also remarked, “Studies show using an eraser can lead to low self-esteem, drug abuse, alcoholism and truancy. Consequently, all erasers must be removed from every pencil before the kids return from their Christmas break.”

The Board of Education said it is willing to review the policy regarding erasers but offered no timetable for a decision.



Forestville Sasquatch Gives Tourists the Finger

December 26, 2015
Welcome to Forestville

Welcome to Forestville

There is a Sasquatch living here in Forestville and he is known to locals as the Forestville Sasquatch.

Well, a tourist claims she and her daughter encountered the elusive beast along the Pequabuck River near the bridge by Nuchie’s last week.

While waiting for the light to change Martha Mapes spotted the hairy unkempt creature bent down and sipping water from the river. However, before they could snap a photo the Sasquatch stood up and gave them the middle finger. “I was shocked! I thought the Forestville Sasquatch was friendly,” the single mother said.

The Forestville Sasquatch has a reputation for making obscene gestures. Last year while a resident tried to take his picture he turned to the camera and grabbed his crotch. Another time he blew raspberries at some guys fishing when they got their lines tangled.

Animal behaviorists say the 8 foot biped does it to intimidate or humiliate gawkers. “I found that animals, generally speaking, use the same strategies as humans when they want someone to f*** off,” said Roman Archer, an animal behaviorist. “Were these people expecting a 650 pound hominid to blow them a kiss?”

The Forestville Sasquatch has not been seen since the incident and is believed to have made his way to his winter feeding grounds. Residents expect him to return late in the spring fully prepared to insult and taunt onlookers.

Community Calendar

December 25, 2015
Community Calendar

Community Calendar

Things to do in Forestville this weekend.

* Friday
Baseball Hat Club Meeting

1) Roll Call
2) New members
3) Story time. Share your favorite baseball hat stories!

7PM Forestville Social Club.

* Saturday

The 2015 Miss Broad Street Beauty Pageant!

Who is Miss Broad Street? Competitors will arm wrester, change tires and drink whiskey to determine Miss Broad Street.

7PM Forestville Social Club

* Sunday

Forestville Procrastinators rejoice! It looks like Procrastinators Fest will finally happen at the Forestville Social Club or Nuchie’s or maybe St Joseph’s Polish Society Of Forestville. We’ll see.

Expected start time is 9AM. 10 AM if the booths are not set up, 11AM if not. Let’s hope the food arrives this year!