A Christmas Miracle

Stressed Santa

Stressed Santa

This year has been a tough year for Santa Claus.

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) threatened to shut down Santa’s Workshop in June, saying it resembled a Kardashian Sweat Shop.

Later that month, the elves’ labor contract expired and during contract negotiations they demanded health care benefits be extended to same sex life-partners.

Hermey the Elf

Hermey the Elf

Numerous minority groups, including the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), spent the summer picketing at the North Pole protesting the lack of minorities represented in Santa’s Workshop.

And the National Organization of Women (NOW) demanded equal pay for equal work for the female elves.

The situation was not improved when Santa threatened to replace the elves with scab leprechauns and the reindeer with a gas powered sled because People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was complaining about animal rights.

Scab leprechaun


Desperate, the Forestville law firm of Voleur, Tricher and Diablo was retained as counsel by Santa and mediated a deal between the parties. They agreed on a four-year pact that extended same sex benefits to the elves, and a guarantee that minority elves would be hired and female elves would receive equal pay for equal work all in time for Christmas.

It is truly a Christmas miracle.


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