How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse in Forestville

Zombie pamphlet prepared by the City Council

Zombie pamphlet prepared by the City Council

For many years the City Council has published helpful and handy information pamphlets for citizens of Forestville so they can make important life decisions.

This month the printing office has provided some good advice with the publication of “How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse in Forestville.”

Below are highlights from the three page pamphlet.

Identifying Zombies

It is a fallacy to think that being stupid and not having any brains will save you during a zombie apocalypse regardless of how often you use them.

Zombies usually walk with a hobble. Their eyes are often blank and vacant.

Life Survivor Skills

1) Don’t panic.

We all knew this was coming.

Open your weapons cache and take inventory of food and medical supplies in your fallout shelter.

If you don’t have a heavily armed bunker, move to step 2.

2) Panic

Go ahead, get it out of your system.

Feeling Better?

Go to step 3.

3) Strategy

a) Arm yourself. Don’t have a weapons cache? Get one. Now!

b) Go for the head.

Other available pamphlets from the Town Council include Tips for Federal Prison, How to Avoid a Subpoena, How to Enjoy the Parking Ban, and Recycling is Da Bomb!

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