Forestville Man Wants To Change The Periodic Table of the Elements

The Periodic Table of the Elements

The Periodic Table of the Elements

Forestville resident Caleb Gatch, a Front Desk Clerk at The Plymouth Motor Lodge, believes The Periodic Table of the Elements should be downsized. He is urging the scientific community to remove unpopular elements like lead from the table. “No one wants lead in their water why would they want it in their periodic table?” he recently remarked.

He would also like to rid the table of inert gasses. “I don’t know about you but I would never want to be associated with anything inert.”

Mr. Gatch said the Periodic Table is confusing and frustrating, so it is his goal to make it friendly and easy to understand, “It will prevent tyranny and promote understanding between races, cultures, and religions,” he remarked. “By doing so we can protect the rare earth elements like cerium.”

He went on to say that he would also like to create preserves for precious endangered metals where they too can coexist in harmony.

Last summer, Caleb invited the descendants of Dmitri Mendeleev, the Russian inventor of The Periodic Table of the Elements, to his house for Christmas. They met, shared pleasantries and exchanged gifts, much to Mr. Gatch’s liking. “I gave them some of my home-made aluminum and they gave me some bismuth because you can never have enough lying around the house.”


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