Erskine Dozier portrayed himself as a Renaissance man around Forestville for as long as anyone can remember but a recent visit to the library changed everything.
When local heads of the library and museums questioned him about his recent book selection, they discovered he was more like Voltaire than da Vinci. “And he doesn’t appreciate masters like Michelangelo and Donatello,” says Mrs. Haley Stanton, director of the Museum of Reproductions. “Instead he extolls the paintings of Gainsborough with all those dogs. What is up with that?”
His wife, while pleased at the change because she always “hated going to all those stupid art museums and linear discussions about the Renaissance”, is worried. “Now I suppose, we’ll have to stop attending raucous Renaissance fairs in favor of those tedious Age of Enlightenment festivals with David Hume look-a-likes. ‘Causality only reflects habit’ my foot!”
The shock waves of this revelation are being felt around the village. “He sounds more of a neo-classicist,” observed Ken Moore, member of the Forestville Knights of Templar Local 701 who patrol village walls against Saracen hordes. “He eschews anything to do with Aristotelian philosophy or Aquinas. I blame George W. Bush.”
But for Erskine’s own part, he’s happy. “As soon as I realized I wasn’t a Renaissance man, I felt free. No longer did I have to pretend to like Neo-Platonism or Epicureanism. I can embrace great thinkers like Immanuel Kant and Maximilien Robespierre.”