One Lane Mania

Memorial Boulevard

Memorial Boulevard

The Memorial Boulevard, the gateway to downtown, will soon be a one lane roadway going in each direction, much to the disappointment of many motorists. “I am disappointed,” said one, added another, “Me too.”

Currently, a two roadway traveling in each direction, the boulevard is being changed to accommodate a bike path and to just frustrate and anger drivers. “It is incumbent of government to make life as difficult as possible for residents,” said Benjamin Stubbs, a clerk with the Traffic Division.

Egor, the mayor’s spokesperson remarked, “Fifty percent of peoples be happy about this, fifty percent mad and other fifty percent not notice nothing.”



City officials say, this change will reduce car accidents and increase bike accidents, while preserving the paint budget since they will no longer be required to paint white lines identifying the lanes.

“I knew traffic was flowing too freely through this town. I figured they were either going to have to make it one lane or turn the left lane into a toll lane,” quipped a commuter. “Anyway, can you get out of the way so I can keep driving?”

In response to the naysayers the mayor said, “This is a change the drivers of the city will look back on as they sit in traffic and smile about. When some car drives 10 mph below the speed limit, the drivers stuck behind it should see this as not as a traffic problem, but a traffic opportunity – a way to bring the people of Bristol and Forestville closer together, which is what I said I was going to do.”


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