In the Beginning

Heaven and Earth

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth and he thought he did good the first day.

The second day came and went without much commotion.

On the third day, God created man in his own image. He then realized that man needed a companion, a friend, someone that man could rely on, a soulmate, an intellectual equal so God In His Infinite Wisdom created…dog.


But soon God was not happy with man because he noticed that man was a fat, lazy, messy, shallow and ornery beast that rarely bathed, so God punished man and created, woman.

Initially it seemed like a good idea as woman was far more resourceful than man, she could communicate in something other than grunts and groans, and she looked pretty good in a pair of pumps too.

HH 05

However, he quickly became frustrated with woman as she constantly nagged and bitched and harassed him about how “You never spend any time with me; you only think of yourself” yada, yada, yada.

So God quick-tempered and all, banished them both from the Garden of Eden. It was a stressful day.

On the fourth day God felt guilty, extremely guilty about what he had done. Thus marked the beginning of religion.

On the morning of the fifth day God decided that man and woman needed something to laugh at, to mock on a regular basis, so he created, politics.

On the sixth day God was tired and created the labor unions. As a result, due to the collective bargaining agreement between God and the universe he got the day off, with pay.

God awoke on the seventh day refreshed and ready to tackle the days tough issues so he decided that this would be a good day for a miracle. Unfortunately because it was Sunday everything was closed so he went home and watched football.

Football 03


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