Malloy: Brexit will not Affect the State

Brexit 02

In response to an avalanche of calls from concerned citizens watching the news, Governor Malloy took to the airwaves to assure people that the possibility of Britain leaving the EU, “Brexit”, will not disturb the steady decline in the state’s economy. “Be comforted by the fact that our plans for higher unemployment and more annoying and perpetual construction projects will not be put off track.”

The trend of citizens expressing fear based on news from other parts of the world is affecting Forestville as well. Recently, the mayor has come out several times to assure residents that the bank robbery in Washington State, the hotdog eating contest in New Jersey and the decision by North Korea to ban smiling will have utterly no effect on residents.

“Unfortunately, we live in an age where the local news fills in time by covering tragedies elsewhere — from accidents in Colorado, protests in Germany to cheating in MasterChef Junior. It sensitizes people and makes them worry needlessly,” said the mayor’s spokesman. “We hope the news will start sticking to events that affect Bristol/Forestville itself.”

Edward Clarkin, who covers Las Vegas for the Bristol Press, could not be reached for comment.

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