SpaceX, the aerospace manufacturer, recently landed a rocket on a robotic ocean barge after several attempts. Now, officials close to Elon Musk, the founder of SpaceX, say he wants to scrap barge landings in the Atlantic Ocean and instead land their Falcon 9 rocket on something more challenging — a flatbed truck in Forestville driven down Route 72 by an irate New York City cab driver under the influence of psychoactive drugs.
Forestville was not the company’s first choice. “We considered doing it in Hartford, but we’ve seen what happens to unattended cars there,” a representative said.
Because the City of Bristol/Forestville was just recognized as the “Best Small City for Doing Business in Greater Hartford” by a personal finance website and “Best City to Land a Reusable Rocket In” by Mrs. Kimbell’s kindergarten class at Greene-Hills School, Musk decided landing his rocket in Connecticut’s tenth most populous city was a good fit.
Governor Malloy is excited about the project. “Not only will this put Connecticut on the space map,” he said in a recent interview, “but allow the state to finally use the law I signed last session to charge tolls on any landing spacecraft.” This law was previously cited by UFOlogists as a reason aliens land elsewhere in the country.
The rocket itself is propelling a Dragon module to the space station. The module will contain numerous experiments to measure the spread of dog hair in zero gravity and determine if magnifying glasses burn ants faster in outer space.