Poll: Pundits Predict “Suicide Squirrel” Top Story for 2016

Squirrel 01

A survey of news organizations throughout Forestville has them nominating the issue of the suicidal squirrel as the one that will most grip the village this year.


“I don’t know how we can top that,” said a reporter for the Bristol Observer. “Right now we’re in a bidding war with the Hartford Courant to get exclusive coverage from a neighbor’s lawn of the wretched rodent and his existential crisis.”

A resident AP correspondent was more enthusiastic. “It’s great that Forestville finally has a story that can go nationwide and get me promoted,” he said off the record, though it was printed here anyway.

But a writer for the Bristol Press threw water on the entire story stating, “Well unless the squirrel is arrested and charged with a crime we won’t cover it. Not even as Breaking News or as an Obituary.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: