A survey of news organizations throughout Forestville has them nominating the issue of the suicidal squirrel as the one that will most grip the village this year.
“I don’t know how we can top that,” said a reporter for the Bristol Observer. “Right now we’re in a bidding war with the Hartford Courant to get exclusive coverage from a neighbor’s lawn of the wretched rodent and his existential crisis.”
A resident AP correspondent was more enthusiastic. “It’s great that Forestville finally has a story that can go nationwide and get me promoted,” he said off the record, though it was printed here anyway.
But a writer for the Bristol Press threw water on the entire story stating, “Well unless the squirrel is arrested and charged with a crime we won’t cover it. Not even as Breaking News or as an Obituary.”