Political Scientists claim that statistically only 57 percent of registered voters actually vote in the United States.
The lack of voter turnout is troublesome, so the State of Connecticut Office of the Secretary of State is letting residents know the positive impact voting can have on the mind and body with a series of testimonials.
“Since voting in the Republican Primary in April, my dependence on flax seed oil has diminished and I noticed my quail shot is better,” boasted Jada Lancet.
Other voters showed remarkable personal improvements as well, “My reading abilities, brain function and miniature golf game have vastly improved,” proclaimed Max Conway, a Forestville libertarian.
For registered democrat Veronica Burton, the results were different though, “Since the local elections last November my hair is strong and lustrous and my complexion cleared up,” she said.
The Secretary of State office said they discovered voters are more likely to avoid mercury contamination and not eat swordfish, shark, tilefish and king mackerel, if they vote, even in a primary or a special election.
However, they did observe voters that cast an absentee ballot are more apt to be struck by lightning or killed in a mudslide. Whereas people who register to vote, but don’t actually vote are prone to be attacked by a shark and devoured, more so than any other voter demographic.