Forestville Democrats Make Plans to Live Under Republican Rule

duck and cover 03

Governor Malloy’s approval ratings are at an all-time low and continue to plummet.

The Republicans hold a majority on the City Council so they control policy.

The 77th District Democratic Primary is a soap opera and fodder for late night comedians.

Due to these issues and others, leaders in the Forestville/Bristol Democratic Party are in sheer panic that they will lose another local election and be forced to live under complete Republican authority. So they are providing party members with instructions on how to protect themselves in the event of the unthinkable:

PREPARE TO EVACUATE

Evacuate Saigon

Peter Del Mastro is a Republican candidate in the 79th District for the Connecticut House of Representatives and according to his latest ominous manifesto; Democrats are once again to blame for everything. Consequently, Democrats now live in constant and unending fear that if Mr. Del Mastro is elected and the Republicans get a majority in the legislature, they will be placed in reeducation camps and psychologically reconditioned by being forced to watch Ronald Reagan movies.

Should this comes to pass, registered Democrats are urged to evacuate to safe locations, which includes The Hoppers’, Cedar Lake, Tory’s Den and Plainville.

Emergency Broadcast

They are to refer to local radio and TV for instructions about the evacuation from the Emergency Broadcast System. Prominent Democrats such as Mary Fortier, Calvin Brown, Dean Kilbourne and Ellen Zoppo-Sassu will read terse and apocalyptic bulletins.

Fearing scores of Democrats may be wrongly imprisoned “emergency ending alternatives” will be made available upon request.

KEEP A LOW PROFILE

Prior to November, Democrats are to remain calm but be alert. However, do not go out at night or draw attention to yourself. Stay in the shadows and be scarce. Keep a low profile, with your gaze down not making eye contact with Republicans because they may lash out and seek reprisals.

Also, should you venture outside, avoid places Republicans frequent such as:

Churches, gun clubs, banks, and Chippens Hill.

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2 Responses to Forestville Democrats Make Plans to Live Under Republican Rule

  1. Ellen Zoppo says:

    hysterical.

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