Barnes Nature Center Director States Goal to Be Safest Nature Center in U.S.


In light of the recent tragic incidents at zoos, the director of the Barnes Nature Center is determined to make people’s encounters with animals at the center as safe as possible.

For this, the Center is raising two-hundred thousand dollars to install safeguards. For instance, half-inch thick bulletproof glass will be installed in the frog exhibit to protect visitors from the unpredictable amphibians. As well, the resident red-tailed hawk will wear a ball gag and tiny shoes during visiting hours.

Other precautions will be taken on the trails. All paths will be paved with asphalt and lined with concrete guard rails with electrified hurricane wire to prevent deer and other animals from entering. Fields will be sprayed to kill off all stinging insects. Footbridges and areas near streams known to have turtles in them will bear large red signs that read, “Warning: Turtles”.

Critics think the Center is being overly cautious. The director disagrees. “If we can protect even one child from realizing nature isn’t this magical place where animals get along and only want to love humans, it’s worth it.”

A fundraising dinner for the campaign will be held at Nuchie’s this Saturday. Ralph Nader will be the guest speaker. The topic of his speech will be “Cheetahs: Unsafe at any Speed.”


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