Shocker: Poll Finds Bristol Far Behind in Education

Poll 01

A recent survey of 15 children and 10 adults in downtown Bristol reveals a worrying deficiency in knowledge of important subjects like sports history. When asked “Who hit for the New York Yankees in 1927?”, most respondents did not know or answered, “Eli Manning.”

Survey results also showed that few people knew the ERA of the Red Sox pitching staff in the 1910s, who scored the winning goal for the New York Rangers in the ’94 Stanley Cup and who was the New York Knicks’ losingest coach.

Who scored the winning goal for the New York Rangers in the 1994 Stanley Cup Finals?

Who scored the winning goal for the New York Rangers in the 1994 Stanley Cup Finals?

Local knowledge of this year’s British FA Cup winner was even worse with 0% answers correct, leaving Bristol lagging far behind the 70% correct response obtained in a similar poll in London.

The survey was conducted by the Build a Better Bristol (BBB) coalition by phone and by aggressively accosting people on the street. The report concluded that sports knowledge was highest among adults aged 30-45 and 63 and children aged 25.

The worst scores were from toddlers aged 2-3. One even ran away to his mommy. Overall, Bristol ranked 25th among 26 cities and countries that met the standard 6 and 5 criteria. Scores were tabulated using math with an error of plus or minus 5 bosons.

Poll 03

The BBB reported poor scores in other subjects like social justice where less than 20% were aware of Kim Kardashian’s favorite color, and only 10% knew or had no opinion why Jennifer Aniston deserves a happy marriage this time.

No respondent got the hardest question — “How many children does Angelina Jolie have now?” More disappointing responses came in the category of zoo trivia. A majority fared the worst on “Which marsupial has the smallest ears?”, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” and “Which animal got the highest ratings on the Nature Channel?”

Lecturing from her gold-encrusted podium, the school superintendent had strong words for the mayor. “Today we have another example of how Bristol schools lag behind the rest of the world. Instead of wasting money on pet projects, I urge the mayor to waste it on education.”

The Fire Department, which was not implicated in this report, could not be reached for comment.


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