The Bristol Blues recently lost two games in a row and city Republicans believe the Democrats are responsible.
To stop the losing skid, Republicans were seen outside Muzzy Field near the entrance where Babe Ruth, Connie Mack and many local legends once stood, with pitch forks and torches demanding Democrats not attend Friday night’s game.
Democratic favorites Rippy Patton and Calvin Brown attempted to reason with the angry crowd with facts and statistics. It did nothing. Republicans, hurling scornful insults, jabbed their pitchforks and waved their torches at them.
State legislators Whit Betts, Cara Pavalock and Henri Martin heard it was getting testy and quickly issued a joint statement urging calm, and then headed over to Rodd’s Restaurant presumably for a short stack with eggs, bacon and tasty pork rolls.
Things then got weird.
The promo van for Bristol’s Internet Rock Radio Station – The Beat, arrived and the hard working crew handed out gift cards while they played a mix of Van Halen and Public Enemy to lighten the mood. Unfortunately it didn’t.
77th District candidate Laura Bartok showed up, made a quick study of the situation and put forth a policy paper to solve the problem. No one noticed.
One time mayoral hopeful Rick Kriscenski materialized out of thin air from the 1990s with bullhorn in hand hysterically demanding an ice rink be built, and taxes raised on the wealthy.
A riot nearly erupted.
Eventually, as the Blues rallied, all the ideological combatants put their differences aside for a few innings and cheered the home team on together to a 7-2 win.
However, as the crowd emptied to the neighborhood streets around the historic ballpark, City Councilor Mary Fortier stood alone on the outfield grass. Grappling with what had transpired she wondered, “Where has Bristol gone? What can Bristol do? Why did the Blues make that pitching change?”
As all seemed lost, suddenly the public address system crackled back to life. A voice wafted over the field and quoting 18th century Scottish philosopher David Hume said the following:
“Your corn is ripe today; mine will be so tomorrow. ‘Tis profitable for us both, that I should labour with you today, and that you should aid me tomorrow. I have no kindness for you, and know you have as little for me. I will not, therefore, take any pains upon your account; and should I labour with you upon my own account, in expectation of a return, I know I should be disappointed, and that I should in vain depend upon your gratitude. Here then I leave you to labour alone; You treat me in the same manner. The seasons change; and both of us lose our harvests for want of mutual confidence and security.”
The scattered few left in attendance turned to identify the speaker but the stadium lights faded to black leaving everyone in the dark together to ponder.