Forestville Man “Bring Back the Sedition Acts!”

Alien and Sedition Acts

The Aliens and Sedition Acts recently celebrated its 218th anniversary.

Passed in July of 1798 by Congress and signed by President Adams, the legislation made it harder for an immigrant to become a resident, and unlawful for anyone to write anything critical against the federal government.

Forestville eccentric Martin Van Doreen recently held a party in his home paying tribute to the legislation. He kicked off the celebration by banning attendees from saying anything critical about him, and prohibiting anyone from attending that he believed “looked funny, foreign or suspicious including myself.”

Celebrants raised a glass of Côte du Rhône and sang “Happy Birthday” to the Alien and Sedition Acts, and were then served Duck à l’Orange ubiquitously for dinner.

Van Doreen said he thought the Alien and Sedition Acts was a swell idea because “you just can’t have critics running around writing or promoting critical things about the government.”

As a result he wants a Sedition Act ordinance passed specifically that prohibits Bristol/Forestville citizens from writing, printing, or uttering bad words publically or privately in their homes, businesses or social gatherings, which are critical and scurrilous of City Hall.

“A Sedition ordinance at the municipal level would not only silence critics, naysayers and those that don’t know any better but provide me, and maybe others I don’t know, with intense physical and emotional paroxysmal excitement,” Van Doreen stated with great aplomb during the celebration. “And what is wrong with that?”

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