Mayor Apologizing to Anyone and Everyone


The mayor on the heels of issuing an apology for an awkward relationship, issued a series of non-specific apologies for other things he may or may not have done.

Standing before gathered media, the mayor spoke stilted but tearfully. “I am a changed man. First, I apologize for that thing I did a long time ago to that guy even though it wasn’t me and it was entirely his fault.

“Also, on the advice of counsel, I apologize to that other guy for saying his hat was ugly. It was ugly and maybe I shouldn’t have pointed it out or pointed out that his name sounds ridiculous and made-up, but all that provoked me.”

Thus far, the mayor’s acts of contrition has had mixed results on the opposition media. The Bristol Press questioned whether someone who apologizes should be running the city. The Bristol Observer on the other hand joined the apology bus, offering condolences for not reporting pet funerals for the past decade and for no longer having a person covering the highly contested dental hygiene beat for Bristol.

And Mr. George Pencilbeam who writes his own blog while wearing a stormy kromer cap that has a pink fuzzy ball on top, covered the story under the heading of “I’ll still get you for this, Mayor!”

The mayor’s itinerary includes a stop at St. Anthony Church. There, he is expected to apologize to the pastor for derogatory remarks made in response to what he still feels was a rather harsh penance the priest meted out during his last trip to confession. “I mean, come on, it was three lies and taking a name in vain. I should get 20 Hail Marys for that? You kidding?”


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