Local Man Issues Apology for Cheating at Battleship, But Does He Mean It?

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Forestville resident Lloyd Bamford is a master champion of the board game Battleship. He has won 26 consecutive Battleship tournaments dating back to 2012. It is a record and it still stands.

However, after allegations of cheating arose, the Battleship Governing Body opened an investigation and found he was not cheating per-se during a tournament in Plainville, but manipulating the rules and intimidating his opponents. As a result they want him to refrain from participating in Battleship tournaments for 6 months.

Investigators say he was engaged in “Shipception”, which is the process of stacking boats on top of each other in an effort to hide them and deceive opponents. He also would “forget” to place ships on the board and intimidate players by verbally abusing them, and pound his chest like King Kong or make gurgling sounds when he sank their ships.



Following the body’s conclusions Mr. Bamford read the following statement. “I am sorry for what happened, and even though I disagree with the investigation findings, I will follow through on their recommendations.”

Critics poignantly asked, “If he disagrees then why apologize?” Lofton Yen Mah, a Battleship competitor went a little further and remarked, “That was a non-apology, apology. I’m confused. “No regret, no responsibility, no restitution, no repentance and no request for forgiveness. Survey says? Fauxpology dude. Why say anything at all?”

Lotan Dutton, president of the Battleship Governing Body somberly remarked, “This is the biggest scandal we’ve ever had and I am disappointed. The damage this has caused to the credibility of Battleship and board games is incalculable.”

Mr. Bamford said during his suspension he will try his hand at the board game Trouble to pass the idle time.

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