Paranobel Season Set to Start


Just as the Olympics have the Paralympics, so too does the Nobel Prize have the Paranobel Prize. As with the Paralympics, the Paranobel Prizes recognize outstanding research performed by people with disabilities.

So far two winners have been announced. Mr. Mo Bethune, a dementia patient, nabbed the award for Literature with his self-published book, “rThe,Top hutterwerlasdfkljkl%$! qwerty”. The postmodernist treatise showcased an avant-garde disdain for traditionalist coherence and complete sentences. Critics loved the book, although they are still unsure if it tells the story of the War of 1812 or how to cure pneumonia in ducks. Asked to explain, a bewildered Mr. Bethune said, “I wrote a book?”

The second winner, Mr. JoJo Spacey who suffers from a rare form of silliness, took the Prize in Mathematics for solving the age-old problem of what does 2 + 2 equal. Mr. Spacey said that now with this solution in hand, it will allow further advances in the field of mathematics for other silly people, such as learning what 2 x 2 equals or the big question, “What comes after fiveteen?” He went on to thank his parents before running around the parking lot pretending to be an airplane.

Others wait for announcements in other categories. One is Angie Pesterman whose disability is not that she has one hand, but that she keeps it in a bucket of paint while making bird sounds. She is expected to add a Paranobel Prize to the Pulitzer she already took home for Best Commentary. With that double, experts say she’s a shoo-in to run the editorial department of the New York Times.


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