Debate Leaves Conspiracy Theorists Stumped

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Unlike the first debate where Hillary Clinton was suspected of receiving signals via an earpiece that would keep the cybernetic half of her brain alert, conspiracy theorists were unable to find any suspicious activity in the second debate Sunday night.

A focus group of conspiracy theorists conducted by Frank Luntz scrutinized every frame of the debate in a bunker facility in St. Louis, looking for Morse Code-type patterns in the sniffs by Mr. Trump and the pregnant pauses after every other word by Mrs. Clinton. However, that does not mean that some untoward maneuver guided by an unseen hand didn’t happen, they said.

“I just know the Bilderbergers were involved here somewhere. The absence of any evidence is proof!” proclaimed one die-hard activist, Constantin Agorapoulos.

A second theorist was more open-minded. “Perhaps there isn’t anything here. Or is that what the Reptilians want us to believe?”

Writing in Conspiracy Digest noted conspiracy writer John Q. Public went one step further. “The lack of evidence or more importantly proof is a canard to distract us to make us think something wasn’t up when in fact something was up. It’s so inconspicuous that it is obvious. We’re through the looking glass, people. Actually, multiple looking glasses. And a well. We’re probably down a well too.”

After seeing Mr. Public’s article, Agorapoulos changed his mind in a recent interview. “Maybe there is indeed no conspiracy, except the one to make us think that there is a conspiracy. After all, everyone knows Conspiracy Digest is secretly funded by the Koch Brothers under orders from the Trilateral Commission.”

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