NFL Players Speak Out Against Trump

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Recently, presidential hopeful Donald Trump dismissed his off camera remarks about women 11 years ago as “locker room talk.” Pro football player Malcolm “Hit Man” Holmes is among a chorus of players who disagree.

“I don’t know what locker rooms he’s been in,” said the defensive linemen, best known for a tackle that broke the legs of quarterback Ron Stiles in NFL Week 4. “We’re nice guys on the field and off. When we get back to the lockers, first thing we talk about is how much we respect women and wish our team cheerleaders would respect themselves and put some clothes on.”

Khartoum “Deathmaker” Jaworski, a lineman transitioning from Muslim to Polish Catholic, agreed. “When you see us changing and showering, you’ll hear us discussing Hegel, Nietszche and the impact of the falling pound on U.S. exports to Britain – not sex and what a hottie Tom Brady’s wife is.”

“Sex is the last thing on my mind,” said Holmes. “I keep a picture Kate Upton posing in a bikini in my locker to remind me to try every day to be as smart and wise as she is. It has nothing to do with her perky, heaving breasts and curvy hips. I don’t even notice them.”

“The most raucous we get,” added Jaworski, “is during Tuesday post-practice book club. I’m up to page 238 in ‘The Joy Luck Club.’ I’m anxious to see if Rose becomes the pianist her mother always wanted her to be.”

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