Forestville father Jimmy Spivey is angry with the Make-A-Wish Foundation. The foundation which grants the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions will not grant his son Jimmy Junior his own wish.
“Who knows how much longer little Jimmy has on this Earth,” said the father of one. “I get him every toy his mind can conceive of, but he always had this one dream — to see the Tall Ships sail past his window up the mighty Pequabuck.”
When asked why the younger Jimmy’s wish was denied, spokesman for the agency Todd Lighter pointed out that the Pequabuck is not deep enough nor wide enough to hold the high-masted sailing vessels. “Moreover,” he said, “we calculated that we would need to spend $200 billion dollars to dredge a canal from Long Island Sound to Bristol just to sail the boats in.”
When asked if the foundation suggested more reasonable alternative wishes, Mr. Lighter said, “A second problem our organization has is that the younger Spivey is in fact not sick. In fact, he delivered the wish to us in person while jumping on a pogo stick and singing, ‘Happy Days Are Here Again.'”
His father is unswayed. “It’s discrimination because little Jimmy doesn’t fit into their prejudiced view of what illness is. Healthy people are simply differently ill. I’d rather grant him a wish than some whiny attention-seeking brat who lays in a hospital bed all day calling for his doctor. ‘Boo-hoo! Look at me! I’m sick! Get me a photo with Hulk Hogan. Make me king for a day.’ The baby!”
Mr. Spivey continued, “They’re the ‘Make-A-Wish Foundation,’ not the ‘Make-A-Wish-And-We’ll-Grant-It-If-We-Feel-Like-It Foundation.'”
For now, Mr. Spivey has put aside the threat of a lawsuit to take matters into his own hands. He started an online GoFundMe campaign to raise money to make his son’s wish come true.
“So far we raised $500,” he said. “I’m sure that once your big-hearted readers read about little Jimmy’s plight, we will easily get the remaining $199,999,999,500 by lunchtime next Tuesday.”