An Aspen bingo game sponsored by a support group for failed presidential candidates blew up when Mrs. Clinton lost to 93-year-old Bob Dole. When Senator Dole raised his hand and shouted in triumph, “Bob Dole says, ‘Bingo!'”, Mrs. Clinton threw her cards and shouted invectives before running into a bathroom and crying.
Hillary supporters took to the streets where they peacefully vandalized cars and attacked people thought to be Dole supporters. The peaceful protests were backed by a tank driven by 1988-nominee Michael Dukakis and monitored by Al Gore on his Gorecomputer in the Gorecave.
Jill Stein tweeted, “If Hillary and her supporters pay me another million dollars I will demand a recount of this contest as well.” The failed Green Party nominee for president later said that experts she met at an opera gala suspect Russian ping-pong balls were in the drum, although there is no evidence this happened.
A lawyer for Mrs. Clinton said, “If we had evidence the Russians tampered with the bingo game, we would certainly demand an investigation. But since there is no evidence, we demand an investigation.”
Senator Dole was unrepentant. “Bob Dole won this game. Bob Dole is against recounts and sore sports. Did Bill Clinton steal my Viagra again?”
The Forestville Fire Department could not be reached for comment.