As Death Threats Against Electors Pour In, One Business Thrives

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Georgette Hinklebottom may seem to run your typical floral delivery company. However, her business offers a unique service.

“Many people think how awful — these threats of killing by Clinton supporters against members of the electoral college, but my ears only hear the cash register ringing,” she says from her natty shop on the corner of Maple in Bristol. “I think you can blackmail someone and be nice about it at the same time. Nothing is nicer than sending your death threat with a beautiful arrangement of flowers.”

Ms. Hinklebottom points to popular sellers like deathly pale calla lilies and red roses spattered with a paint concoction that simulates blood. If flowers aren’t your thing, she offers foil balloons for the aggrieving embossed with touching messages like “I’m Watching You” and “I Know Where You Live”, or various pictures like Garfield holding a knife over a freshly vivisected Odie. She also takes special requests.

“Some prefer the personal touch — the head of their intended’s favorite horse, compromising photos arranged in a Hallmark keepsake album, or a collectible Hummel figurine laying down in a wintry street scene, fresh tire marks over his body with the word ‘YOU’ tastefully scrawled across his forehead in tempura paint.”

Her company not only caters to the discerning extortionist, but covers other occasions. Black Lives Matters ordered several dozen of her “I’m Sorry You’re Still Alive” mixed garden flower bouquets with vase included.

Former UFC champion Ronda Rousey sent her next opponent the “My Fist in Your Face Celebration” with hand-gathered mini pink carnations, baby’s breath and traditional white daisies along with shards from a shattered vase.

And the Alt-right folks sent a “Get Over It” teardrop arrangement of wilted red gerberas, orange roses and yellow lilies to Hillary Clinton in a tattered box.

“When someone receives a pretty wrapped present or bouquet with their death threat, they know that it is a caring person who is thinking about them. All the time.”

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