Shocker 3 and 9 UConn Fires Head Football Coach!


In a surprise move, the University of Connecticut fired its football coach, Bob Diaco. Coach Diaco had just completed a third terrific season that featured wins against football powerhouses the University of Maine and St. Mary’s Girls’ Academy.

Athletics director David Benedict sought to reassure fans that there would be a smooth transition to a new head coach who would carry on the tradition of success Diaco established in winning at most 3 games per season. Despite rumors that Randy Edsall will be rehired for the post, all signs point to veteran Washington Generals coach Ted Whiteman to take the job.

Said Bennett, “Sure, Whiteman is a basketball coach and sure, he’s never beaten the Harlem Globetrotters, but we feel confident we can get lucky with him at the helm. After all, Coach Diaco never coached offense before taking the job here, but that did not prevent the team from winning a couple games.”

However, Bennett is hedging his bets. To keep people’s spirits up during games, Rentschler Field will have aid stations with comfort dogs and basketballs on rubber bands.


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