Last week the mayor posted provocative comments on Facebook, accusing certain residents as being puppets for a former mayoral opposition candidate. It shocked fellow citizens to discover Bristol has puppets.
“Why don’t they do a show? I need to bring my kids out to see a something besides video games,” said one resident who wished not to be identified for fear of being called a bad mother.
Others took the mayor to task over the puppet allegation.
The mayor was quick to point out his comments were taken out of context and alternative facts. “Puppets and their puppet masters make up an important part of the community. Also, the word ‘puppet’ is a noun.”
The mayor further noted it was only one post out of 50 odd items he puts on Facebook a week. “Sure, it’s easy to pick out one or two posts and call them divisive. For instance, when I posted that Democrats were drugged-up crazies, everyone knew I was jokingly referring to the fact they are drugged-up crazies. You can see how easily that also could’ve been taken out of context and framed as ‘negative.'”
The mayor pointed to the many positive comments he makes about Bristol on his page, such as “Hey, Bristol has electricity!”, “Did you know that Bristol has the motor car and running water?” and “Come to Bristol, people – we’re conveniently located between Plainville and Southington.”
Calvin Brown, a frequent critic was quick to point out that “If the mayor wants to get serious about running government, everyone knows you use Twitter, not Facebook. Duh!”
Egor the mayor’s spokesperson said, “There is no story here. Bristol great cuz it start with letter B; you know what else start with ‘B’? ‘Puppet.’ Wait. That’s ‘P.’ Uhhhh.”
The sniping between politicians and citizens has confused one resident. “I moved here because of that nice ‘Bristol’s All Heart’ ad campaign and not for the sniping,” said Jimmy Knickers. “I’m moving back into my parents’ basement. It’s safer there; plus I get as many s’mores as I want!”