Monday, President Trump announced a plan to junk over 75% of federal regulations. This was greeted with joy by many local businesses, but the opinions of Forestville residents was divided.
“I hope they get rid of those sexual harassment regulations,” said Snaky Carlson. “Know what I mean? Wink, wink.”
“I’m quite concerned about regulations being gotten rid of,” said United Technologies employee Kal-El. “That could mean a lot of compliance officers will lose their jobs. And if they lose their jobs, what will happen to me? I’m the compliance officer in charge of making sure compliance officers are in compliance.”
Local shut-in Niels Farguson felt despondent. “I’m a collector of federal regulation rule books. I even have the one from 1937 in which regulators decided that Spam was a kind of food. I’m hoping for more regulation.” Farguson’s greatest fantasy is that even he himself will one day be regulated. “After all,” he added, “There is such a thing as too much Niels Farguson.”
Cliff and his wife Joan Diehl are ecstatic about the dramatic drop in regulations. “This could mean we can finally drive our convertible with my top down!” said a glowing Joan. “And I can finally start hunting deer with my favorite hand grenades,” said Cliff enthusiastically.