Sunday Conversation

One reason so many government secrets have leaked recently is an executive order Obama signed just before leaving office, which orders all intelligence to be disseminated among an incredible 17 different agencies. No one has wanted to go on record to discuss these agencies, until now. Boardman found one man, George Henniwell, who would. Henniwell is an amateur researcher on government agencies and a level 100 shaman in World of Warcraft.

Boardman: Hello, Mr. Henniwell.

Henniwell: Have you met Scully and Mulder?

Boardman: No. Now you know the identities of the intelligence agencies classified information is now shared between.

Henniwell: So you don’t know about alien visitations.

Boardman: No. About the intelligence agencies…

Henniwell: I know them all, but many are secret. The others are ones everyone already knows – the CIA, NSA, DNI, DIA, NCIS, Cybercommand, Department of Agriculture, Department of Janitorial Services, Bristol Police Department, and Stargate Command.

Boardman: You mention one I hadn’t heard of. The Department of Agriculture has an intelligence agency?

Henniwell: In fact they have placed American cows in politically important herds in Russia to spy on Volga grazing plans.

Boardman: We also hear that our agencies now share information freely with foreign intelligence services.

Henniwell: Oh absolutely. We share it with many countries, like Germany, England, the Duchy of Grand Fenwick, and Peru.

Boardman: We’re sharing information with Peruvian intelligence?

Henniwell: Oh absolutely. Peru after all lets us have an Air Force Base in the Andes.

Boardman: We have an Air Force Base in the Andes?

Henniwell: Oh absolutely, to keep down the threat of yeti there on vacation. Of course being in the mountains, our runways are small. So we mostly launch drones and fly ultralight aircraft from the base; shorter pilots fly on the backs of condors. Like in Avatar.

Boardman: Okay. It was nice talking to you. I have to go.

Henniwell: I have to fold my laundry anyway. If you want to talk more, I’m here in my parents’ basement 24/7. Say hi to Director Skinner for me!

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