Overlooked Confirmation Hearings Drag On Past Tuesday And “National Confirmation Hearing Day”

Overlooked Confirmation Hearings Drag On Past Tuesday And “National Confirmation Hearing Day.”

Amid the hubbub of major Senate investigations and hearings, one hearing has received little attention on Capitol Hill. Like most Trump appointees, noted physicist Dr. Matsahura Matsui has seen his confirmation as head of the Office of Scientific Science held up in committee.

Democrats grilling Dr. Matsui are particularly troubled by his solution to the fine-tuning problem of vacuum energy in regards to the cosmological constant.

Senator Richard Blumenthal queried why the nominee would suggest a new variable to resolve the predicted value for vacua. “We have learned something important since the days that I served in Vietnam,” he said, “And that is, Nvac∼O(10272, 000).”

Senator Elizabeth Warren went on the warpath, accusing Matsui of being in the pocket of Big Physics and somehow, banks.

Republicans on the other hand were enthusiastic.

“Dr. Matsui’s novel approach to the entropy problem deserves the Senate’s support where we engage in entropy all the time,” said Senator Mitch McConnell.

Another contentious confirmation hearing is expected for Trump’s pick to fill a new White House cabinet position – a handcrafted mahogany piece with cherry wood veneer. However, Democrats led by Chuck Schumer vowed to attack this nominee too on the basis that its Scandinavian Contemporary design ill fits the French Empire style of the room in which it will serve.

As well, minority chair of the Select Chair Committee, Senator Al Franken is expected to heatedly question the cabinet over its provenance and links to extreme right-wing furniture.

Senate insiders feel that Democrats will soon cease slow-walking Trump appointees. The move comes as ratings for hearings on C-SPAN were cut in half last Friday when five viewers decided to watch the Paint Drying Channel instead.


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