UConn Lady Huskies Lose In Final Four – ISIS Claims Credit

UConn women’s team lost for the first time this year, snapping a record win streak and hopes for another national title. Disappointed fans took to the streets carrying signs saying, “Mississippi State Is Not My Winner” in protest.

“Mississippi State won the point total, but not the fan total. More people wanted UConn and therefore UConn should be given the win,” pointed out one UConn alum who also voted for Hillary. “This is worse than Trump becoming president.”

Her husband agreed. “Yes, it is worse than Hillary becoming president.”

“That’s it!” said another fan. “I’m done rooting for losers. I’m spending my time rooting for the New York Jets.”

Yet another basketball fan threw in the towel. “I’m so depressed, I don’t even feel like going out in the streets and looting and burning the college down like you’re supposed to after big games.”

Other fans were appreciative. Public high school teacher Maryanne Hart said, “All my students love the Huskies and their win streak of 111, even though none of them can count that high.”

Governor Malloy also praised the Huskies. When asked at a press conference about what he will do about the poor state of the Connecticut economy, he responded, “How about those Huskies?”

The Bristol Press plans to print a nice tribute to the team, although they admitted the lack of violence at the UConn game will keep it off page one.

City Hall also plans a “Meet The Lady Huskies” celebration. Due to budgetary constraints however, only a member of the practice team and the understudy for the team’s ball boy will be on hand.

Hartford Courant reporter Paul Doyle was inconsolable. He announced that with the loss, the paper will shift focus to covering other teams. “It’s a shame. We hope UConn’s women’s team does better next season. For now, we will expand coverage of other teams that are not disappointing, like UConn football.”

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