National News in briefs

Netflix Airs
Netflix recently revealed they will err a prequel to The Dark Crystal called, “The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance.”

In a press conference today, executives worried that people wouldn’t get the political message. so they announced they would retitle it, “The Dark Crystal: This Is About How Trump And His Supporters Are Evil.”

Trump vs. Comey
The Washington Post reported that an anonymous source who spoke to an anonymous source who had listened in on a conversation through a glass on the wall of the White House told them that President Trump said the fired FBI director James Comey’s “elevator didn’t go all the way to the top.”

Later it was learned that this was not an insult but an observation of the broken elevator in the hotel Comey was staying in.

Much later it was learned the entire story was made up. The paper issued an apology saying, “The Post is sorry, but it is our policy to stand by all made-up stories.”

Trump Makes Progress on Saudi Trip
In fact, he made it all the way to Saudi Arabia. There he, his administration and executives from key American companies concluded defense pacts and military sales with the Saudi king. The CEO of 7-11 was also on hand to fix the royal Slurpee machine.

His later speech to fifty Muslim leaders was well received. After the event, Arab leaders spoke in an excited tones as they drove off in their bulletproof camels.

During the trip, the president and his entourage were treated to local entertainment, including a tour of a prominent museum, a traditional Saudi war dance and a game of “Guess what’s under my robe.”

Later, Trump and the king indulged in their favorite pastime — jumping naked into a fifty-foot high pile of money.

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