At a recent White House tech summit, President Trump announced plans to modernize government computers and software. But leaks to the Washington Post by an anonymous A.I. reveal these aren’t the only things that will be modernized.
For decades, presidents have climbed up and down a steep, exhausting set of stairs to enter Air Force One. The stairs will now be replaced by an escalator. This way, presidents can save their legs and wave to the crowd the entire way up and the entire way down when exiting or entering the plane.
Other planned changes upgrade White House brooms to the new Swiffer Sweeper and some staffers will be replaced by Amazon Echo devices. Also, all government employee mobile devices will have new Twitter emojis.
Visiting dignitaries will find a refreshing change from the traditional red carpet with the new red moving sidewalk. To improve security, the front door of the White House will have a Ring doorbell.
The president’s helicopter transport Marine One will be replaced by a Transformer, Suboptimus Prime. One human staffer privately worries this will be a bigger disaster than the new Transformers movie. “Turns out Suboptimus runs on a Windows platform. He takes thirty minutes to boot up in the morning and then we have to wait another thirty for him to download and install his updates.”
When asked for comment, White House spokesman Alexa said, “Sorry. I didn’t understand the question that I heard.”