Will There be a Debate?

Last week everyone at the G20 Summit was discussing John Podesta and the DNC server. However, according to sources the “big talk” at the summit was actually, when will Bristol’s mayoral candidates have a debate?

The campaigns of Republican incumbent Ken Cockayne and his Democratic challenger, Ellen Zoppo-Sassu, have yet to officially discuss a debate schedule.

However, operatives say the republicans do not want any debates whatsoever because they are worried Donna Brazile will provide Ellen the questions prior to the debates. “We will not be Brazilled!” exclaimed Jeff Caggiano, Chairman of the Bristol Republican Town Committee at a recent fundraiser.

Should a debate schedule be worked out, a completely fictional Boardman source said republicans will insist that the mayor’s podium be bigger than Mrs. Zoppo-Sassu’s and she be prohibited from making an opening or closing statement. In fact, they will demand she not be allowed to speak, talk, chat, enunciate, verbalize, or whisper, and most importantly, she must pledge not to roll her eyes. “We would prefer she not be invited at all,” said one Republican source who asked that his name, Latham Eikel, not be revealed.

No word from the Zoppo-Sassu campaign if these terms are acceptable.

Noted historian Doris Kearns-Goodwin weighed in on the matter and keenly observed that Bristol’s 2017 election for mayor will be historic. Not because a racial barrier will fall, or the first Roman Catholic will be elected or a man in a wheelchair will win, or a billionaire businessman from New York will defy the odds and beat an establishment candidate.

Rather, should the mayor be victorious, he will be the first Bristol mayor to be re-elected that was censured by the city council, and cost the taxpayers over $100,000 in legal fees due to a “lapse in judgment.”

Meanwhile, if Ellen Zoppo-Sassu is elected she will be the first mayor in Bristol to have a hyphenated last name.

This sentenced was written due to boredom.

Boardman

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