Scheduled to Appear at the Bristol Mum Festival

September 21, 2018

The Bristol Mum Festival is September 20th through the 23rd.

The festival, celebrating Bristol, will feature venders, booths, food trucks, live music, crafters and more.

With the upcoming elections in November local office seekers, who wish to be powerful and elite, will be in attendance soliciting votes from people that are not powerful and elite. Amongst those that will be there include the following:
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Cara Pavalock-D’Amato (R) is scheduled to be in the Church of the Holy Sepulchre of Trump Tent Friday donning her Trump Heels, Trump Stockings, Trump makeup, and a Trump Zip-Front Power Dress with matching Trump Clutch bag and Trump accessories.

She has a reputation both good and bad for frowning, and voting no so voters can watch her in action frowning and saying no or as they say in parlance “nay.” She told Boardman while drinking Trump tea from a Trump chalice, “The ‘N Sound is a single consonant and nasally but very powerful to say so I can’t help myself sometimes.”
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Kevin Fuller (D), who is running against Cara in the 77th District, was going to show up and then he wasn’t but then he was but then he wasn’t and now he is – maybe, sort of. He might be at the food truck or the carnival or the petting zoo or on a pony ride. Who knows? Do you know? I don’t know. It is so confusing.
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Give ’Em Hell Henri Martin (R), uh correction: Give ‘Em Hell Henri does not like to be called Give ‘Em Hell Henri so Tippecanoe and Henri Martin too (R) will be at the Mum Festival Saturday night, and telling voters about all the money he did not bring back to Forestville during his two terms.
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Chris Wright
(D), Tippecanoe’s opponent in the 31st State Senate District, will be in the Meet a Real-Life Politician Tent Saturday morning. Mr. Wright will be asking questions, but not answering any.
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Chris Ziogas (D), the incumbent in the 79th, will be wandering around Friday night telling his, “Hey I Got Funding for the Renovation of Memorial Boulevard School For Use as an Arts and Theater Magnet School and No one Else Did so I am Great and the Rest of You Really, Really Suck” story.
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Dave Rackliffe (R) is the Republican candidate in the 79th District. Candidate Rackliffe is a former Bristol Hospital executive and he will be appearing in the “You Have Probably Never Heard of Me Tent”.
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Allen Marko (D) is seeking election to the Connecticut House of Representatives to represent District 78, and he will be joining ol what’s his name? in the “You Have Probably Never Heard of Me Tent” as well.
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Whit Betts (R) will appear (day unknown) ever so briefly and leave just as quickly with no explanation. Why he will leave and where he will go is a mystery to all, and will be the topic of discussion for George Noory on Coast to Coast AM Saturday night.

Any listener that discovers when Mr. Betts leaves and where he goes and calls George on the Wild Card Line will receive a free hand crank radio.

Call George on the wild card line at 818-501-4721. That number again 818-501-4721. That number one more time in case you forgot it or did not write it down is 818-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
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The theme for this year’s festival is Fall in Love with Bristol. Admission is free so you don’t have to sneak in unless you want to have a little extra fun.

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Monday September 17, 2018, Arrives on Time Without Incident

September 17, 2018

Monday, September 17, 2018, landed in Forestville and Bristol late Sunday night amid security concerns.

Local officials greeted Monday privately in council chambers. The delegation included Mayor Ellen Zoppo-Sassu, City Councilman Peter Kelley with an E, a bunch of people no one has ever heard of and state legislator Cara Pavalock-D’Amato, who provided Monday with one of her lawn signs. “I thought Monday could use one cuz like they are everywhere,” she told Boardman on the condition it not be mentioned or publicized.

Pope Francis prayed Sunday for Monday in St Peter’s Square and asked the faithful to do the same.

Sunday, September 16, 2018, exited the world stage peacefully and with little fanfare.


Democrats Apologize for Not Having a Primary

September 14, 2018

Bristol Democrats have written an apology to those that “may have been hurt or offended” because there was not a primary this summer between Kevin Fuller and Laura Bartok in the 77th District.

Boardman received the following hand-written letter at HQ early Friday from Dallas Montegue and Limping Larry, registered democrats and well connected:

To Registered Bristol Democrats,

We would like to offer a sincere and heartfelt apology for not having a primary in the 77th District in August. We understand it would have been a lot of fun and may have ruined the summer, but the decision was made.

This caused pain for those that enjoy primaries and a certain local satirist. Therefore, we apologize to them if they were hurt or offended that there was not a primary between Kevin Fuller and Laura Bartok. We will do better and pledge to have a primary in the future.

To our members that feel we should not apologize, we apologize for apologizing. If you think you are confused, how do you think we feel?

XOXO
Bristol Democrats

In response, Jeff Caggiano, the Chairman of the Bristol Republican Town Committee, told Boardman, “Bristol Republicans never apologize, but we always offer our thoughts and prayers. Therefore, our thoughts and prayers are with those that were disappointed, injured or read this ridiculous article because nothing is funny in this world.”


Coffee with Celestial Legislators

September 13, 2018

Recently, the public had the opportunity to actually interact with State Representatives Whit Betts (R-78), Cara Pavalock-D’Amato (R-77) and State Senator Henri Martin (R-31) for a whole entire hour with “coffee and conversation”.

With harps angelically strumming the Divine entered the temple known to mortals as Rodd’s Restaurant, and tended to their sheep. They feasted on Ambrosia and the nectar of the Gods while the humans scarfed protein and black coffee.

The pawns of the Gods were delighted and humbled. Alas, they bewailed about spending and implored for cuts to the budget but pleaded they never cross the sea and lay siege to programs that would ill affect them.

The Deities obliged the polytheistic and heathenistic rubes their spoils, and poured more coffee to which one was heard mutter, “to Whom the God’s would destroy.”

The rabble were then promptly dismissed and vowed to follow their dictates.


Who are Give ‘Em Hell Henri Martin and Chris Wright? The Battle for Senate District 31

September 5, 2018

Henri Martin is seeking a third term in Connecticut State Senate District 31. Standing in his way is Chris Wright, a democrat and a former state representative.

Here is Boardman’s breakdown of the candidates:

What Do We Know About “Give ‘Em Hell Henri”?

• “Give ‘Em Hell” Henri does not like the nickname “Give ‘Em Hell Henri” so Boardman will cease referring to “Give ‘Em Hell Henri” as “Give ‘Em Hell Henri”.

• “Tippecanoe and Henri Martin Too” wears glasses on his face all day long.

• “Little” Henri Martin is medium height for a man his size.

• “The Martinator” was once on the Bristol City Council and no one recalls his service. No one.

• Henri “Martin Van Buren” when not driving to Hartford to earn $28,000 a year sells Real Estate.

What Has “I Beg Your Pardon I’m Henri Martin” Done for Forestville?

Honestly, I don’t know and neither does my friend Nikki.

What are Boardman’s Recommendations for “Don’t be Dishearten Henri Martin”?

You smile way too much – try frowning more. It is very becoming and seems to work for Cara.

Running against “Hang ‘Em High Henri” is a person named Chris Wright. Let’s say that name again, Chris Wright.

What Do We Know About Chris Wright?

• Chris Wright is a democrat running for state office.
• Chris Wright is a member of the St. Paul mafia.
• Chris Wright stuck us with Cara Pavalock “Deville” when he lost to her in 2014.
• Chris Wright has a job.
• Chris Wright served in the Connecticut House of Representatives (District 77).

A Google Search of the Name “Chris Wright” Turns up the Following:

• Chris Wright is the Chief Meteorologist for CBS4 in Indianapolis.
• Chris Wright is a 6’7 forward for the Oklahoma Thunder in the NBA.
• Chris Wright wrote the full-length graphic novel Blacklung.
• Chris Wright, 39, was held without bail in Cook County Jail in February.
• Chris Wright is running for governor of Minnesota.

What About Chris Wright’s Time as a State Representative?

During his time in office, Chris Wright’s dynamic “own the room type personality” brought the house to order every day, salvaged bills from committee floors and wrangled votes, even from the opposition party.

Chris Wright controlled the debate, scheduled proceedings and ruled the chamber with an iron fist.

Chris Wright left behind a permanent lega-oh wait that was not Chris Wright. Chris Wright was on the “Housing Committee”. Never mind.

The election is November 6, 2018. Stay semi-informed with Boardman’s semi-informed, semi-comprehensive and semi-accurate election coverage.


Previewing the 77th District: Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato

August 27, 2018

Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato is seeking a third term as Bristol’s State Representative in the 77th District. In November she will face democrat Kevin Fuller.

What Boardman Knows About Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato:

• College graduate
• Lawyer
• Votes no a lot and seems to enjoy doing so
• Really, really, really likes guns
• Seems to frown on smiling
• Seriously likes guns. Seriously.
• Way, way, way into Trump

Things Boardman Would Like to Know from Cara Christine Pavalock D’Amato:

• Should the Designator Hitter be eliminated in the National League?
• Did Oswald act alone?
• Is a hamburger a sandwich?

Things Boardman Thinks Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato Needs to Do:

• Get taller
• Smile – Jesus Marimba you frown way too much
• Tone down the “Hey Everybody Look at Me” hair flip at public events
• When you debate Mr. Fuller show some personality. Don’t be so cold like in 2016.

Googling “Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato”

A Google search for the name “Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato” shows she is a Republican in the Connecticut House of Representatives and not much else.

Synopsis:

I really want to like “Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato” but it is one step forward and one step back with her and it frustrates me. At this time no “Profiles in Courage” here so keep moving.

Cara’s Keys to a Good Hair Flip:

• Be confident and sell it
• Stand Tall with Head up
• Slightly bend your knees, roll hips, pouty lips and snap you head or;
• Simply turn your head towards one shoulder, and quickly sweep your head towards the other shoulder
• To really sell it dip your head down slightly and snap your head
• In other words: Own it! Stick it! Yeah!
• If no one notices repeat and rinse

END

For Nikki who said, “You need to stop f&%$*@^ around.”


Annual Reading of the City Ordinances to Take Place Sunday

April 7, 2018

The annual “Reading of the City Ordinances” will take place Sunday at the Page Park Pavilion beginning at 11AM.

City councilors accompanied by the mayor will lead a procession into the park where they will read all the city ordinances including the appendixes.

The mayor, plus each councilor, will individually arrive carried on a palanquin by eight grown men, wearing color coordinated sashes and turbans.

Citizens are encouraged to arrive early as the streets around the park will be filled with cheering crowds.

While his colleagues read from Bristol’s Book of Ordinances, Councilman Greg Hahn will play an accompaniment on his horn featuring songs from the Great American Song Book including Duke Ellington, Dave Brubeck and Tommy Tutone.

The ceremony begins with a reading from the Charter before moving through the ordinances beginning with Chapter 1, General Provisions and concluding with Chapter 23, Ordinance Enforcement.

Special Guest readers will include state legislators “Give em Hell” Henri Martin and Whitt Betts (R-78), who must leave early for reasons only he and he alone knows.

Others dignitaries expected to attend, but only to wave at the adoring crowds are Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato (R-77) and Laura Bartok, Democratic challenger in the 77th state house district.

Meanwhile, City Councilor Josh Medeiros will appear in the role as Josh Medeiros, and City Councilor Peter Kelley with an e will appear courtesy of Peter Kelley with an e.

END

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Alan Boardman is a former reporter for McClatchy newspapers, New York Times, London Times, San Francisco Bee, Wall Street Journal, Chicago Tribune, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, The Christin Science Monitor, The Boston Globe, Houston Chronicle, and Toronto Star where he covered business, CIA, Justice Department, Foreign relations, and Tourism.

He throws right hits both, shoots 85% from the line and has a QB rating of 101.7. He once had a bank account with Bristol Savings Bank, and read the Warren Report in an afternoon because he was bored.

Alan Boardman has nothing to do after lunch today so if anyone from the “inner circle” is around text him because he would like to go out for an Iced coffee; yesterday has not ended yet.