Due to the Board of Education’s 2-million-dollar shortfall, the mayor took to social media recently and asked for two of its elected volunteers to resign. Many residents were shocked while his loyal and rabid supporters stood by his statement. However, Boardman has learned that the mayor’s resignation demand is not limited to merely the Board of Education.
Last Saturday during a baseball game at Forestville Little League, with a runner on first in the last inning and his team down by a run, Manager Ed Oates did not ask his batter to bunt. Instead the batter swung away and he hit into a double play.
The mayor, who was in attendance, was incensed by the strategy. Following the ballgame, he again took to social media and condemned the coaches and asked that they too resign. “How do you not bunt in that situation?” he asked pointedly. “I don’t know why they did not bunt
they’re, their…then…but they should do everyone a favor and quit.”
His minions, who were not at the game nor familiar with the batter or his skill set or the managers thinking, were quick to pile on to impress the supreme leader. Patriot50 fired the first salvo, “I have tapes of this guy coaching games and I will send them to America’s Funniest Home Videos!” she angrily wrote.
Mimi Pipkens was up next and fired at will. “I heard when Moses came down from Mount Sinai he left several commandments behind and one of them was ‘Thou Shall Not Let Ed Oates be a Volunteer or Manage a Baseball Team.’”
Latham Eikel was more direct and snarled, “For not bunting Ed Oates should be hung and dragged through the streets of Forestville like Mussolini.”
The mayor was not done.
Julius Denforth is the Den Leader for Cub Scout Troop 314, which meets at Greene Hills School Monday nights between 7:30 and 9:00 P.M. Upon hearing that Troop 314 meets Monday nights, the mayor took to social media to denounce Julius and demand his resignation. “Who schedules a meeting during Monday night Football? This guy needs to
reszin, reszi,…I mean quit.”
The mayor then went on to provide a list of volunteers that he feels must leave because he said so: Volunteer Fire Departments, Hurricane Irma relief volunteers, Habitat for the Humanities, Red Cross, ARF and the lemonade stand on Academy Street because “the lemonade don’t taste
two… to.. too…no good.”