April 20, 2017

BOARDMAN INVESTIGATES
New Medical Office Building Building In Bristol?

Rumors spread this week about the City of Bristol permitting a company to erect a medical office building in town.  Boardman sent its investigative team to determine if the rumors are true.

They are true.

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Bristol Hospital Going Out Of Business Sale?

February 14, 2017

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If Governor Malloy’s proposal to levy a property tax on nonprofit hospitals goes through, Bristol Hospital could go out of business, said Bristol Hospital president and CEO Kurt Barwis Saturday.

Given the dire prognosis, the 96-year-old hospital will be forced to sell all of its assets to the bare walls. Said Barwis, “The prices are so low I will be practically giving everything away!”

In a commercial spot to air upon bankruptcy, Barwis guarantees that “unlike blood clots, nothing will be held back!”

“Creditors have given Bristol Hospital three months to live, so we’re having a going-out-of-business sale. Faster than an enema on constipation, everything must go!

“We took a bone saw to prices on all equipment and supplies. Surgical Care, Diagnostic Imaging, Intensive Care – we’re pulling the plug on all departments! No reasonable offer will be refused. Unreasonable offers won’t be either.

“Check out our beds. They go up and down!

“All gurneys priced to move!

“Buy four gently used speculums, get a bedpan free!

“Bartenders, mix your next drink with our blood transfusion machines!

“Parents, imagine the fun your kids will have when they ride in and out of their very own MRI machine. Whoops! Watch those metal braces.

“And what says, ‘I love you’ more than getting your special someone birthing stirrups from the Bristol Hospital.

“And guys, don’t forget the sale on all items in our popular Pharmacy.

“Bristol Hospital will not be undersold. We beat competitors’ prices to a concussive subdural hematoma. Like death, all sales must be final. So come on down to 41 Brewster Road for the Grand Opening of our Grand Closing! Bristol Hospital – Our prices are clinically insaaaaaane!”


Proposed Medical Building Could Receive Facelift

February 20, 2016

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According to a recent survey, residents of Forestville/Bristol believe the proposed 100,000 square foot medical office building to be constructed by Bristol Hospital on the former mall property is in a word “really freaking boring.” Building planners say it is as exciting as lint.

City leaders and hospital administrators concede the proposed building is not inspiring. Therefore, they are looking to expand their idea and have a variety of businesses in the medical building. “Just because it is a medical building doesn’t mean it can’t be exciting and sexy,” remarked Aretha Ezra, a member of the development team.

Cabaret Lounge 03The project will now include retail and entertainment as part of the venture. “Women can have a mammogram and then get their nails done in the Medical Nail Boutique, and the men can enjoy a cocktail and a lap dance in the Cabaret Lounge, while the girlfriend or wife is having her glucose checked. There is something for everyone,” Ms. Ezra stated.

Other forms of amusement include batting cages in radiology; a billiards room, a fun house and a water slide near billing. A speakeasy on the fourth floor is being planned and a dance club in the Ophthalmology Department.

Residents are now invigorated about the medical building, “This is way hip,” said Chauncey Chalmers. “I can pay my bill, have blood work done and shoot some stick while waiting for the lab results.”

Limited Time


Bargain Hunting at the Hospital

November 30, 2015

Sale 01

In response to Governor Malloy’s cuts to funding hospitals during the last legislative session, Bristol Hospital in an effort to remain competitive and generate new revenue streams will offer coupons and sales on operative surgeries, procedures and x-rays. But that is not all.

Next year Bristol Hospital will begin offering sales and mark down prices on emergency room visits during the 4th of July, Memorial Day and Presidents Day by offering 50-80 percent savings on most emergency procedures, especially those not covered by insurance. “If you have an emergency it will be best to have it done during the patriotic holidays,” proclaimed Priceline.com.

Typically med-centers and walk-in clinics offer lower prices than their traditional emergency room counterparts but not anymore. Emergency room patients are going to be encouraged to be savvy and comparison shop when choosing a hospital during an emergency. Heart attack? Gunshot wound? Appendix bursts? Patients will be able to negotiate a price with the ambulance attendants while en route to the ER.

They will also provide gift cards and extend two for one sales on hip and knee replacement surgeries.

And to boost sales in their sagging Nephrology Department, they are offering a special for the first 100 patients who elect to have dialysis.

Lastly, if you enjoyed your service in the emergency room, Bristol Hospital will have a tip jar so you can show your appreciation.

These pricing policies are expected to be implemented by the end of this fiscal year or the beginning of the new fiscal year, whichever comes first.

Bristol Hospital

Bristol Hospital


Forestville man has headache, Doctors find miraculous cure

December 18, 2008

Brain x-ray during a headache

Brain x-ray during a headache

Forestville area man Mark Dresden sought medical treatment yesterday for a headache.  Mr. Dresden was examined and released shortly after lunch on his own recognizance from an area medical facility.  His wife Claire said he was resting comfortably and watching Fox News.  Doctors expect Mr. Dresden to make a full recovery. 

 

  

  

  

  

  

 

 

 

Mitchell Luby contributed to this story.

 

AB