ResignationGate and the Battle for Street Cred

February 21, 2016
The Connecticut State Capitol

The Connecticut State Capitol

ResignationGate just won’t go away. The battle has now gone to the state capitol.

Local, state legislators Whit Betts, Cara Pavalock, Henri Martin and Frank Nicastro recently introduced legislation, which will prohibit town councilors from serving in a district in which they do not live (Nicastro was initially for it but is now against it – maybe, sort of).

Councilman Calvin Brown, who inspired the proposal due to his living arrangement, is no doubt stressed over the circumstances he finds himself politically, has made numerous comments about his situation and even quoted a lyric from a song by legendary rapper Tupac Shakur in reference to his political rivals by saying “I’m not mad at you.”

Whit Betts desperately does not want to lose out on the street cred battle so he remarked at a press conference concerning the matter, “Yo! Nuff’ trippin dog. Represent! Don’t play me Holmes.” He then thumped his chest, made the peace sign and together with his posse consisting of Pavalock and Martin, bounced from the presser, presumably to his crib where they chillaxed.


Town Councilors Forced to Sit at Kids Table

November 9, 2015
Brown and D’Amato must sit at the kids table

Brown and D’Amato must sit at the kids table

Due to their youthfulness, incumbent Democrat Calvin Brown, 23, and Republican newcomer Anthony D’Amato, 28, will be seated at the kids table for town council meetings after taking their oaths of office Monday night.

Brown, 23, said he is excited about serving a second term, but disappointed he is still at the little kids table. However, he is thankful to have company for the next two years. D’Amato, for his part, said he will not sit at the little kids table with Brown or anyone else.

Mr. Brown attempted to reassure his colleague, “It’s not so bad they give us crayons to write, paper to doodle and snacks to eat. It could be worse.”


Apocalypse Now

November 4, 2015
Apocalypse Now

Apocalypse Now

After the election results were finalized Tuesday night showing Ken Cockayne was elected mayor for another two years, Forestville became the democratic party’s vision of hell. Dozens upon dozens of registered democrats flooded the streets of Forestville blubbering and howling, distraught over the outcome.

City GOP Leader Derek Czenczelewski seeing so many democrats gathered in one place breathed, “The horror! The horror!” And later he was heard muttering, “I must find out who voted against the mayor. Can I FOI that?”

Meanwhile the democrats were incapable of speaking their mouths could make sounds no more so stunned were they.

More were bewildered their minds void.

Notable democrats such as Mary Fortier and Calvin Brown walked the decaying village streets like zombies – dead inside falling into the “the heart of an immense darkness.”

And many more were heard screaming and shrieking the agony too much to bear.

In an early-Wednesday morning tweet-storm Egor, Forestville’s most popular republican and the mayor’s spokesperson, weighed in on the election results.

Egor tweet-storm 1

Egor tweet-storm 1

Egor tweet-storm 2

Egor tweet-storm 2

Two hours later, Egor was back turning his attention to the future.

Egor tweet-storm

Egor tweet-storm

As the night closed one lonely democrat, his face wretched in pain, and his soul barren found the courage to speak of the Forestville that is to be. Borrowing from T.S. Eliot he whispered, “This is the way Forestville ends: Not with a bang but a whimper.”

Egor

Egor