ResignationGate and the Battle for Street Cred

February 21, 2016
The Connecticut State Capitol

The Connecticut State Capitol

ResignationGate just won’t go away. The battle has now gone to the state capitol.

Local, state legislators Whit Betts, Cara Pavalock, Henri Martin and Frank Nicastro recently introduced legislation, which will prohibit town councilors from serving in a district in which they do not live (Nicastro was initially for it but is now against it – maybe, sort of).

Councilman Calvin Brown, who inspired the proposal due to his living arrangement, is no doubt stressed over the circumstances he finds himself politically, has made numerous comments about his situation and even quoted a lyric from a song by legendary rapper Tupac Shakur in reference to his political rivals by saying “I’m not mad at you.”

Whit Betts desperately does not want to lose out on the street cred battle so he remarked at a press conference concerning the matter, “Yo! Nuff’ trippin dog. Represent! Don’t play me Holmes.” He then thumped his chest, made the peace sign and together with his posse consisting of Pavalock and Martin, bounced from the presser, presumably to his crib where they chillaxed.


Mayor Sworn in Wants Taco Tuesdays!

November 10, 2015
Taco Tuesday in Forestville!

Taco Tuesday in Forestville!

After being sworn in as mayor for his second term Monday night, Ken Cockayne delivered his inaugural address to an enthusiastic crowd of gushing sycophants.

While constantly looking down and rummaging through his papers, the mayor pledged that he will strongly advocate more right on red turn signs and signals at intersections saying, “It will be the cornerstone of my next two years because it is the gateway to my redevelopment plan. And, I will do it without raising taxes!” The mayor also said to thunderous applause that he wants “Taco Tuesdays” in Forestville schools by January 2016.

In between sobs, sniffles and grabbing for tissues, State Representative Cara Pavalock called the speech “remarkable,” adding, “I have been advocating the same things in Hartford. This is just what we need to get us going.”