And We are Off! Martin, Betts and Pavalock-D’Amato to Run Again

February 10, 2018

Three Bristol Republicans, Henri Martin, Whit Betts and Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato, announced they are seeking re-election for state office in 2018.

Here is a quick snapshot of the candidates in under 350 words because Boardman is going to IKEA this morning despite my misgivings.

Henri Martin State Senator, (R31)

Martin is seeking office in the 31st District, according to the press release issued in Sanskrit by the three-term state senator.

“Give ’em Hell Henri” is a State Senator by day and a real estate guy by night. The only thing missing is a red cape.

A top priority for Senator Martin is the state deficit. Or, is it? “I am happy there is a state deficit of epic proportions because it gives me something to campaign on,” Mr. Martin told Boardman telepathically.

Whit Betts State Representative (R-78)

Whitt Betts, the gentleman of Bristol politics, has served admirably and adeptly during his tenure in the state legislature. Not only that but he is the longest serving member of the trio.

“I have served for eight years and I do believe in term limits but not until I qualify for my state pension, which will be in two years!” he explained to Boardman over a bottle of 1959 Chateau Lafite.

Cara Christine Pavalock- D’Amato, State Representatives (R-77)

Cara Christine Pavalock-D’Amato has the longest name in Bristol politics with middle names, hyphens and surnames combined; it gives Boardman a headache.

During her four years in Hartford, Cara has begun to develop an independent streak as she bucked the system and voted against a negotiated bipartisan budget, which Boardman likes and respects.

The U.S. Constitution is a priority for Cara, telling Boardman while hand washing her Ann Taylor nylons, “I love freedom of speech as long as that speech does not criticize me.”

She is also a supporter of the 2nd Amendment because blah, blah, blah. However, where she stands on the quartering of troops as written in the Third Amendment or the Commerce Clause (Article 1, Section 8, Clause 3) remains a mystery.

Meanwhile on the other side crickets.

This sentence intentionally does not add any information.

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2017 Special Session T-Shirts and Swag Bags!

July 19, 2017

As Connecticut’s 2017 Special Session continues with no end in sight, lawmakers were pleased to learn today they will not go home empty handed once the session is completed.

Each legislator will receive a 2017 Special Session T-shirt and headband courtesy of the League of Women Voters. Some will even be lavished with special session gift bags from lobbyists.

Here is a list compiled by Boardman of the freebies local legislators will receive in their gift bags:

Cara Pavalock-D’Amato
Due to her affinity for good quality high heels, the footwear lobby is really taking care of the state representative from the 77th District with several pairs of Christian Louboutin heels in neon, black and gunmetal gray. As an added bonus they included Dr. Scholl’s® High Heels Relieve Insoles and toe spacers too. But that is not all.

Also included are plush slippers, facials and massages at a flotation spa in Desert Springs, spices from the Orient, Polynesian Bath Bombs and a Shop Rite protein bar.

“Give ’em Hell” Henri Martin
Assistant Senate Republican Majority Leader and real estate tycoon is getting a one year subscription to McMansionHell.com.

Whit Betts
Bristol’s very own political aristocrat will find in his “swag bag” a humidor, Cuban Cigars, caviar, several tins of pâté de foie gras, one vintage bottle of 1959 Château Lafite-Rothschild for his wine cellar, new foxhunting apparel, a Fabergé Imperial Easter Egg and a Subway coupon good for a free six inch.

Chris Ziogas
Because he is the new guy he just gets the ill-fitting 2017 Special Session T-shirt.


ResignationGate and the Battle for Street Cred

February 21, 2016
The Connecticut State Capitol

The Connecticut State Capitol

ResignationGate just won’t go away. The battle has now gone to the state capitol.

Local, state legislators Whit Betts, Cara Pavalock, Henri Martin and Frank Nicastro recently introduced legislation, which will prohibit town councilors from serving in a district in which they do not live (Nicastro was initially for it but is now against it – maybe, sort of).

Councilman Calvin Brown, who inspired the proposal due to his living arrangement, is no doubt stressed over the circumstances he finds himself politically, has made numerous comments about his situation and even quoted a lyric from a song by legendary rapper Tupac Shakur in reference to his political rivals by saying “I’m not mad at you.”

Whit Betts desperately does not want to lose out on the street cred battle so he remarked at a press conference concerning the matter, “Yo! Nuff’ trippin dog. Represent! Don’t play me Holmes.” He then thumped his chest, made the peace sign and together with his posse consisting of Pavalock and Martin, bounced from the presser, presumably to his crib where they chillaxed.


Mayor Sworn in Wants Taco Tuesdays!

November 10, 2015
Taco Tuesday in Forestville!

Taco Tuesday in Forestville!

After being sworn in as mayor for his second term Monday night, Ken Cockayne delivered his inaugural address to an enthusiastic crowd of gushing sycophants.

While constantly looking down and rummaging through his papers, the mayor pledged that he will strongly advocate more right on red turn signs and signals at intersections saying, “It will be the cornerstone of my next two years because it is the gateway to my redevelopment plan. And, I will do it without raising taxes!” The mayor also said to thunderous applause that he wants “Taco Tuesdays” in Forestville schools by January 2016.

In between sobs, sniffles and grabbing for tissues, State Representative Cara Pavalock called the speech “remarkable,” adding, “I have been advocating the same things in Hartford. This is just what we need to get us going.”