Nutmeg TV to Air New Game Show ‘As Politicians Match Wits’

July 5, 2017

This September Nutmeg Community Access TV will debut a new game show called,” As Politicians Match Wits”. Votes and donations are on the line as local politicians compete against one another by answering general knowledge questions such as: What color is the color tan? And, what time is it at 10:30?

The program will be hosted by former TV newsman Tom Monahan because he has his own microphone.

The first episode gets off to a quick start with Andrew Howe and Ellen Zoppo-Sassu squaring off. Outraged by the first question, what day is tomorrow?, Mr. Howe forfeits the game because he felt the question should have gone out to referendum so the public could weigh in. Consequently Ellen plays against herself in what turns out to be a seesaw battle. Tune in to see who wins.

Twelve episodes will air and feature Josh Medeiros, Peter Kelley, Greg Hahn, Dave Mills, Eric Carlson, Dave Preleski, Mary Fortier, Anthony D’Amato and Cheryl Thibeault with her impressive resume.

The mayor refused to participate based on the advice of counsel, but Egor his spokesperson will.

Egor

As Politicians Match Wits will air Fridays at 9 p.m. following Nostradamus Knows Best, a sitcom about the everyday troubles faced by the 16th-century French , physician, philosopher and seer.


Bristol Closed Until Further Notice

May 22, 2017

Until further notice the City of Bristol is closed to the public for renovations.

Bristol, incorporated in 1785 and home to over 60,000 residents and access to cable television, is being closed so it can be brought up to standard. The city was officially shuttered Monday morning with the renovations expecting to take a long time, weather permitting.

For many years historic buildings have been closing, home prices declining and roads falling into disrepair. The gritty decor and landscape are not expected to change, but residents may notice upgrades to the layout, city charter and their cable television signal.

A key component of the redesign and refurbishment of the 26.8 square miles area will be to rebuild the Old Post Office, Novack’s, Ferraro’s, Longo Sports World and provide burned pizza from La Monico’s.

City Hall apologizes for any inconvenience.


Octagon Fight Cage Under Consideration for Rockwell

May 21, 2017

Following a brawl at Rockwell Park and the resulting security concerns, the City of Bristol will be implementing changes to the park including increased patrols and a park ranger. However, that is only the beginning.

The Parks and Recreation Department will ask the Mayor and City Council to add an Octagon Fight Cage. The proposal is aimed at differentiating Bristol from surrounding communities.

The cage under consideration measures 750 square feet, 30 feet across and 6 feet high.

The Octagon Fight Cage can accommodate bare knuckle brawls, street fights, boxing and mixed martial arts, according to the proposal presented to city leaders. Referees, cutmen, judges and ring card girls are not included with the cage, but they can be provided if a deal can be reached with the various unions.

City officials are intrigued by the proposal and city attorneys are evaluating if admission and tickets fees can be administered.


Bristol Democrats Roll out the Red Carpet at Big Event – P.S. It’s Ellen!

May 16, 2017

Last night after much speculation, Ellen Zoppo-Sassu announced she is running for mayor in front of a standing room only crowd at the Bristol Historical Society.

If elected she will be will be the first mayor in the City of Bristol to have a hyphenated last name.

This sets up another showdown between Ellen and the current mayor, Ken Cockayne. Should the mayor prove to be victorious he will be the first mayor in Bristol to win three consecutive elections since the last time a mayor won three consecutive elections.

The democrats pulled out all the stops by actively promoting the event on social media and with searchlights, airplane banners and dropping leaflets on unsuspecting residents.

Deane Kilbourne, Chairman of the Bristol DTC, was the Master of Ceremonies and opened things up with a big production routine. He was surrounded by dancers, torches and fireworks and did a Cirque du Soleil high wire production number amid pyrotechnics. It killed.

The women of the DTC ruled the red carpet with embellished dresses, tulle skirts, cashmere sweaters, sensible shoes and flowing tunics.

First Vice Chairperson for the DTC Kate Matthews showcased her new box clutch. With its clasp fastening and optional chain handle it was all the rage.

City Councilor Mary Fortier worked the rope line; shaking hands with fans and signing autographs while wearing a bold Shetland Blazer.

And mayoral candidate Ellen Zoppo-Sassu mingled with A-listers and supporters alike at the after party (which this reporter was not invited, humph!) while sporting new fashionable shoes.

The fashion critic for the Bristol Press proclaimed the evening, “The social event of the spring season.”

Meanwhile, this sentence was written for no reason.

Boardman


Mayor and City Council to Use Ouija Board to Make Critical Decisions

May 8, 2017

The Mayor and City Councilors in a unanimous vote last week approved the use of a Ouija Board to help them make pivotal decisions regarding the City of Bristol.

City leaders will use the Ouija Board for guidance while the Cone of Decision is being repaired by Public Works due to overuse during the fall and winter seasons.

The Finance Department thwarted their initial plans for a crystal ball because at $29.95 it was considered a budget buster. However, city officials discovered Mayor Stewart in New Britain used a Ouija Board to seek advice on how to replace the Rock Cats when they moved to Hartford. As a result Bristol has now partnered with New Britain to share the Ouija Board in a shared services program. The head of finance wanted to put the “board game” issue out to referendum but that request was denied.

Sitting in a circle in the Chamber of Seclusion, the Mayor and City Councilors will use the the game board to solicit input from Bristol’s forefathers regarding the former mall site, Memorial Boulevard School, teacher layoffs, Route 6, the mill rate, and a multitude of other topics which are so extraordinary complex they require the counsel and wisdom of dead people.

It is expected that they will begin using it immediately or sooner if possible.

The Ouija Board was not available for comment.


City Planning Gala to Celebrate MBS Still Being Closed

April 26, 2017

Later this year the City of Bristol will host a black-tie gala ball at Nuchie’s to celebrate 5 years of the Memorial Boulevard School being closed.

The mayor, along with city councilors, civic leaders and important people that no one has ever heard of, will celebrate the closing of the school, and the continued commitment to keep the landmark building, built in 1923, closed.

The MBS Gala will include cocktails, dinner, live music by the band Closed Casket and an auction of MBS memorabilia led by Christie’s Auction House of New York.  Noted memorabilia collector Bill Chatterton has donated MBS grout from his collection to the auction.  A silent auction will also be held and feature an autographed copy of the MBS Task Force Final Report signed by all the committee members. 

Former news reporter Tom Monahan will be the Master of Ceremonies. 

There will even be local tributes and renderings by the Art Squad. Among them is a beautifully painted traffic box of the historic and iconic building entitled Empty. Critics say the traffic box is truly an awe inspiring work of art and verification that there is a God.

The classically designed building closed in 2012.  The task force charged with developing a plan for the school put in 15 months of hard work, and recommended using the building as a community cultural and arts center. It was believed the undertaking would be part of a strategy to increase economic development and cultural growth.  Instead the Memorial Boulevard School remains dark, barren and empty and is now the latest attraction in an ever growing collection of empty buildings and vacant lots. 

 

 

 

 


Bristol to be Run Like a Business

January 9, 2017

business-01

The city council voted Tuesday to give themselves and the mayor a 2.8% raise beginning in 2018. Republican council members voted unanimously in favor of the raise with two Democrats opposed and one, Dave Preleski, absent for the vote. The Republicans said that the City of Bristol needs to be run more like the multi-million dollar company it is, with the mayor as CEO paid the top salary.

Following the session, the council went further, promising more changes to make the city of Bristol as well-run as any corporation. This means getting rid of the deadwood.

First on the agenda will be for residents to receive annual evaluations by the mayor and the city council. Residents are to be judged for their honesty, integrity, technical skills and ability to communicate with others. Elected officials on the other hand will be judged for their ability to breathe and order pizza.

Citizens receiving negative reviews will be asked to clean out their desks and houses and leave.

“Too many in this city are not carrying their weight,” announced Councilman Anthony D’Amato, “If citizens cannot meet minimum performance standards, we have to let them go.”

Some children already have been laid off. The Board of Education says they cannot afford to keep the kids on in class. “A few will be brought back in as we combine their classmate positions with those formerly held by my butler and maid,” said school superintendent Dr. Ellen Solek.

Hand arrange alphabet CEO of acronym Chief Executive Officer.

Democrat council member and lawyer Mary Fortier argued, “If the mayor is CEO, then he should be more qualified. Have an advanced education such as a degree in law; maybe have a husband who wrote a column for a local periodical. Perhaps even have a French-sounding last name.”

Councilman Preleski was absent from this report.