Inauguration Concert Follows the Inauguration

November 13, 2017

Following the swearing-in of the Mayor-elect and the City Council Monday night at Bristol Eastern High School, the following acts are appearing at a concert honoring the new mayor and city council members:

Closed Casket

Local music legend Closed Casket, a favorite of the Mayor-elect, will appear but without their legendary horn section of Mickey, Matt and Mickey. The horn section remains in Bristol Hospital following a dreadful tuning accident.

Free Beer: Local bar band set list to feature songs no one has ever heard.

Test Tube Babies: Punk Rock cover band will perform, provided they can remember how to tune their instruments and the drummer can count it off to four.

Gun Nut Crazy: The Country band is scheduled to plays songs which support the Second Amendment. It will be a quick set.

Severed Head

A Heavy Metal act that shreds children’s songs such as Row, Row, Row Your Boat, The Wheels on the Bus and many other favs.

Musical acts are not the only artists performing. There is a mixture of entertainers in the lineup including:

The Delusionist

Performing in the courtyard is Marlon J. Murlow better known as The Delusionist. Is he a conspiracy theorist? A futurist? Maybe both or all of the above.

• Was the War of 1812 a hoax?
• Is the voice in your head you or someone else?
• Is The Periodic Table of the Elements only true some of the time?

Find out as Marlon J. Murlow is The Delusionist. Half magician, half mind reader and half visionary and seer.

• Was Mount Rushmore made from natural earth erosion?
• Is there a day of the week missing?
• Did Amelia Earhart Kidnap the Lindbergh baby?

Find out as Marlon J. Murlow is The Delusionist. One third of his brain is clairvoyant the other third is not.

• Does the All-Seeing Eye have cataracts?
• Did Twentieth Century Fox sink the Titanic so they could later make a hit movie about it?
• Were antidepressants invented to stop the Great Depression?

Find out as Marlon J. Murlow is The Delusionist. Part fake, part made-up and part lies.

The Forestville Civic Ballet

The Forestville Civic Ballet will reenact Ellen’s election victory. The troupe, composed of local prima donnas, will perform the Avant guarde ballet ginned up on Diet Coke and ibproffin. The performance will last two days.

Catering

The entire event is catered by celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck and will include “Democrat friendly food” such as Croissants, Granola, Arugula, Veggie burgers, Massaman curry, Avocado salad, Basil Fried rice, Tom yum soup and Yogurt chicken.

There will be superficial food for the bipartisan types in attendance such as Lemon chicken, Single-serving carrot cake and Shrimp tempura roll.

As for the Republicans they can indulge their taste buds with Mozzarella sticks, Boneless wings and Sweet and sour chicken.

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Mayor Announces Random Apology Tour

August 10, 2017

Following a city council meeting Tuesday night where the mayor issued a public and cryptic apology to a council member, which left many confused, he announced tour dates for his 2017 Random Apology Tour scheduled for this fall; the likes of which this world has never seen before.

During the tour the mayor will issue nonspecific apologies to organizations and clubs in cities and towns across North America. “I apologize they criticize me. I don’t apologize they criticize me. I can’t win,” the mayor said in response to the criticism and confusion over his apology.

Local bar band Closed Casket was the scheduled opening act, but due to the fortunate deaths of the entire horn section during a bizarre tuning accident they cannot participate. Instead Councilman Calvin Brown, who questioned the purpose of his apology Tuesday, vowed to follow the mayor from town to town and demand to know what he is apologizing for and who he is apologizing to.

The tour is sponsored by PODS.

2017 Random Apology Tour Dates

Monday September 18
Kiwanis Club – Roanoke, VA

Wednesday September 20
International Tomahawk Throwers Association – Austin, TX

Friday September 29
Wyoming Stock Growers Association – Cheyenne, WY

Friday October 6
Maskwa Snowmobile Club – Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

Saturday October 7
Truck Stop Route 132 – La Pocatière, Quebec, Canada

Thursday October 19
Hurricane Biker Girls – Atlanta, GA

Wednesday November 1
KISS Army – Terre Haute, Indiana


City Planning Gala to Celebrate MBS Still Being Closed

April 26, 2017

Later this year the City of Bristol will host a black-tie gala ball at Nuchie’s to celebrate 5 years of the Memorial Boulevard School being closed.

The mayor, along with city councilors, civic leaders and important people that no one has ever heard of, will celebrate the closing of the school, and the continued commitment to keep the landmark building, built in 1923, closed.

The MBS Gala will include cocktails, dinner, live music by the band Closed Casket and an auction of MBS memorabilia led by Christie’s Auction House of New York.  Noted memorabilia collector Bill Chatterton has donated MBS grout from his collection to the auction.  A silent auction will also be held and feature an autographed copy of the MBS Task Force Final Report signed by all the committee members. 

Former news reporter Tom Monahan will be the Master of Ceremonies. 

There will even be local tributes and renderings by the Art Squad. Among them is a beautifully painted traffic box of the historic and iconic building entitled Empty. Critics say the traffic box is truly an awe inspiring work of art and verification that there is a God.

The classically designed building closed in 2012.  The task force charged with developing a plan for the school put in 15 months of hard work, and recommended using the building as a community cultural and arts center. It was believed the undertaking would be part of a strategy to increase economic development and cultural growth.  Instead the Memorial Boulevard School remains dark, barren and empty and is now the latest attraction in an ever growing collection of empty buildings and vacant lots. 

 

 

 

 


Forestville Ushers in the New Fiscal New Year with Great Success

July 1, 2015
Happy Fiscal New Year Forestville!

Happy Fiscal New Year Forestville!

As the fiscal new year approached last night, Forestville was ready for the annual celebration.

This year’s celebration included star-studded musical performances from the punk band Kitty Litter Sponge Cake, Fisted Five and Closed Casket with Limping Larry on Harmonica for a few tunes.

There were balloons, confetti and handouts about the upcoming cuts to the state budget.

Forestville Police reported that, unlike last year when revelers screamed in delight, danced atop cars and lit fires rejoicing the reckoning of state government financial statements for accounting and tax purposes, there were no incidents of debauchery or destruction of public or private property.
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