Local Women Caught in Point Shaving Scheme at Weight Watchers

December 22, 2017

Forestville Police said Dee Dee Mellon and two others were facing expulsion from Weight Watchers following a point shaving scheme. They were to be removed from the program for their roles in a scheme at the weight loss company, but they decided to resign instead.

“It’s a long story,” Dee Dee said, outside Cumberland Farms on Pine Street. “I had issues, I was hungry, had the munchies and made poor decisions.”

Weight Watchers is a program designed to assist in weight loss based on a point system where foods and drinks are assigned a points value.

Myers and her co-conspirators were manipulating the points so they could continue to eat more sugar and unhealthy fats, while underreporting their point value.

“I’m kind of sorry that it happened,” said Mellon while gnawing on a pack of Twizzlers. “However, I am going to try Nutrisystem after all this. They are not as rigid and there is no evidence that it helps with long-term weight loss, which is prefect for me because apparently I am not serious about any of this.”

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Local Man Successfully Buys Gas

August 30, 2015

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Solomon Weeks departed from his home around 1pm. Saturday and drove to Cumberland Farms on Church Avenue to purchase $20 worth of gasoline for his wife’s Nissan. Eyewitnesses say Mr. Weeks made small talk with the attendant prior to paying and pumping the gas himself. When the pump shut off, he secured the gas cap, got in his car and returned home safely.

He remains tight-lipped on whether he has more errands planned this weekend.

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Area Man Crosses Street No Problem

July 26, 2014

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Forestville resident Jarod Hegel crossed Central Street Saturday evening around 8:30 on his way to Cumberland Farms without incident. “I don’t understand what the big deal is,” said a content Hegel. “There was no oncoming traffic. It was easy. ”

Hegel has no immediate plans to cross the street again.


Mr. Fibbles done with the Gregorian calendar

May 2, 2014

Forestville’s curmudgeon Mr. Fibbles said he will forever live by a fiscal calendar for the remainder of his days because he is fed up with the Gregorian calendar. “I don’t trust it, I don’t like it and I don’t need it,” Mr. Fibbles remarked recently at the checkout counter at Cumberland Farms. okaaaaay.
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Limping Larry Watching Time

May 1, 2014

Local limping icon Limping Larry visited the Forestville Clock Thursday presumably to watch time go by. “He just sat there on the bench looking up at the clock and eating an apple,” said Silas Minutia.

Limping Larry has been walking with a limp for so long that locals no longer recall why he limps. Larry’s friend Bob Kneeper keenly observed “At this point in time I think he limps out of habit.”

The Forestville Clock

The Forestville Clock