July 4, 2017

LEADING OFF

My friend Kenny visited the Stop and Shop on Pine Street and noticed they sell various forms of water. “They sell frozen water, cold water and even room temperature water. Why don’t they sell boiling water? I don’t get it.”

Me either.

THEY SAID IT

Forestville resident Toby Jacks recently observed, “The Blues lost all four games during a four game losing streak.”

Well said.

DID YOU KNOW?

The 1980 Olympics were held in 1980?
When people die they are dead?
The Fourth of July happens every July 4th?
Sand is sandy?
The Forestville Fire Station is located in Forestville?

FINAL THOUGHT

This has nothing to do with Forestville, but CNBC reported Trump thinks maybe there should be another “F” in “NAFTA” for free AND fair trade. You know I was hoping the “F” would stand for something else.

Boardman Out

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December 23, 2016

bits-01

Last week I ran into my friend Lenny as he was leaving the police station and he reminded me that at one time he played bass guitar in the rock band Open Casket. They were very popular locally playing pig roasts and keg parties. Unfortunately the entire horn section perished in a bizarre vomiting accident. Out of respect they changed their name to Closed Casket. They soon broke up.

DID YOU KNOW?

World War II was fought after World War I?

The word the is spelled the?

Canned food comes in cans?

The city of Boston is located in Boston?

ANYONE?

How many quarters are played in a basketball game?

HEY!

A shout out to Fred “The Mavin” de Mohrenschildt. By the grace of God you are alive, well and out of prison. Do you have the fifteen hundred bucks you owe me?

FINAL THOUGHT

I enjoy Christmas just as much as the next person but shopping is a nightmare. Therefore, I propose Christmas be once every four years like the Olympics. It seems to work for them. Who is with me?

For Nikki that disagrees with everything I write…be well.

Boardman


Forestville Bits

October 9, 2016

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So, three days before the day before yesterday, I saw my friend Lenny coming out of the packy again and he said, “I know what you are thinking but I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk I go to parties.”

CONNECTICUT

The word “Connecticut” has four different vowels and none of them are the same.

DID YOU KNOW?

Cardboard boxes are made of cardboard.

Oranges are orange.

Without light it would always be dark.

Brad Pitt’s name is Brad Pitt.

The Alphabet Song is a song about the alphabet.

BIRTHDAY

My friend’s daughter Tamara celebrated her 15th birthday. Her grandfather says she is so young that she comes with a warranty.

FINAL THOUGHT

How does a mime communicate on twitter? Seriously. Does anyone know? I am here all day except when I am away so drop me a line.

Boardman


Forestville Bits

August 23, 2016

bits 01

Two days after the day after the day before yesterday, I ran into my friend Lenny at the court house. He’s a time waster. He knows it, I know it, everyone knows it.

Anyway, after exchanging pleasantries, he told me the following knock knock joke:

Him: Knock, Knock
Me: Who’s there?
Him: Stopwatch!
Me Stopwatch who?
Him: Stopwatch your doing and pay attention!

Lenny has another court date next week.

BUELLER?

There are six vowels in the English language and two of them are entire words, “A” and “I.” You won’t see a consonant that is an entire word by itself. Why is that? Anyone know? Anyone?

DID YOU KNOW?

The play Romeo and Juliet is about two people in love. One named Romeo and the other Juliet.

Pizza Hut makes pizzas.

Wind is invisible.

One hundred percent of Canada is made up of Canada.

Water causes drowning.

===================================================================

You can’t make this stuff up people.

LICENSE PLATES

Why can’t license plates have reverse lettering?

ИAMᗡЯAOᙠ

Or mirror lettering?

ᙠOAЯᗡMAИ

Or inverted lettering?

ᗷOᗄᖉDʍᗄN

Come on DMV make this happen!

FINAL THOUGHT

After swimming around all day, do fish get thirsty?

Boardman out.
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