Vacant Lost Fest 2018

April 24, 2018

Life-long Forestville resident Bob Knepper will be the featured guest at the 2018 Vacant Lot Fest in Forestville, which is taking place Saturday July 7th at 6PM, Forestville time.

This annual event features a private meet and greet with vacant lot land owners and includes an autograph session and a photo session too.

In addition to owning vacant lots in Forestville, Mr. Kneeper also owns vacant and abandoned properties throughout the region including memorable ones in New Britain, Plantsville, Meriden and Turner Falls Massachusetts.

Knepper began letting his properties go in the 1990s because he is lazy and stopped caring. The properties feature a wide swath of neglect and debris from garbage to general overgrowth. The motivation for abandoning his properties varies from property to property.

Empty lot historian Alex Chipley will once again lead fans on a trolley tour of the vacant lots and conduct a trivia contest too. Winners will not receive any prizes just the knowledge that they won.

During the 31-minute tour fans will learn about Forestville’s rich history of vacant lots, and what the future holds for vacant lots.

There is no charge to go on the trolley but it costs 12 bucks to get off the trolley.

This event is sponsored by the Forestville Historical Society and Intimate Encounters, a popular Forestville escort service owned by Mr. Knepper.

Vacant Lot Trolley Tour

* Trolley tour leaves every 30 minutes beginning at 6PM
* The last trolley leaves at 6PM
* Adults: NO charge to get on 12 bucks to get off
* Children (5 – 12): $8.00 to get on $0 to get off
* Children younger than 5 ride free but they are not allowed to speak or talk


Forestville Celebrates Lincoln’s Birthday

February 12, 2018

The village of Forestville has a several events planned today for Lincoln’s birthday that have nothing to do with the 16th President of the United States and Great Emancipator.

However, there will no reading of the Gettysburg Address or his Second Inaugural. Instead, the following activities are planned:

The Manross Library will host Basket Weaving for Men at 9AM. Instructor, famed Forestville coach, Coach Halpert, will guide men and boys through the intricacies of basket weaving because as the brochure says, “Basket weaving just ain’t for chicks.”

Using marram, straw, willow or bramble, guys will make baskets that are suitable for holding flowers, towels, tiny little soaps, medium wrenches and 3/4″ lug nuts.

Over at the Forestville Historical Society will be an engineering class for women entitled, Engineering for Women. The class is from 1PM until whenever.

Forestville resident Dr. Emma Glockenspiel will teach women civil engineering while they sip wine, gossip, knit, post entries to their gratitude journals or organize their coupons.

Dr. Glockenspiel is a civil engineer with a husband and three loving children and yes, she is very happy.

Vacant Lot Fest 2017

May 13, 2017

Right it down! Vacant Lot Fest 2017 is taking place Saturday July 8th. This special one-day event will feature a walking tour of the vacant lots in Forestville by noted empty lot historian Alex Chipley.

Mr. Chipley explains the history and explores the properties along East Main Street that were once vital to the community, but have fallen on hard times

Join Mr. Chipley for a journey back in time at one of America’s premier collection of empty lots. You will find inspiration and neglect as you explore the empty land parcels dotted along Forestville’s landscape.

Ken Wormer will be the featured guest. Mr. Wormer once owned a lot that is now contaminated with overgrowth, trash and industrial waste. He will be available for autographs, photos and signing vacant lot memorabilia.

The tour will leave from the post office at 6PM and is expected to take two hours. This event is sponsored by the Forestville Historical Society.

Vacant Lot Fest 2017 will be opened by the classic rock band Foghat. The band, known for the hits “Slow Ride,” and “Fool For the City” was briefly popular in the 1970s.

Admission to the event is free but the ticket is $10.00.

Naysayers Appreciation Day

April 12, 2017

Cynics, sourpusses, and Prophets of Doom will hold a banquet this Saturday at the Forestville Historical Society as part of “Naysayers Appreciation Day.”

Never one to volunteer or contribute anything helpful to the community, the Grousey Gus’s will honor their never ending negative and pessimistic views of everything. The festivities include a reception, banquet and an opportunity to criticize the night’s events.

The Naysayer of the Year Award will be presented to Augie Geller. Mr. Geller will be honored because he has 40 years of experience ridiculing mayors’, the city council, snow plowing, the traffic on Route 6, The Mall, Renascence Downtowns, Muzzy Field, the Water Department, the mill rate, schools, teachers, sidewalks, blight, The Bristol Red Sox, and a wealth of other issues without ever offering a solution to any problem or situation.

Mr. Geller is expected to complain in his acceptance speech about the menu, his table guests, the award and that the room is cold and drafty.

Carny Kids Camp Saturday

January 10, 2017


This weekend it will be busy at the Forestville Historical Society.

FHS is sponsoring “Carny Kids Camp”, this Saturday from 9 a.m. until 2 p.m. Children under the age of 10 will learn Sword Swallowing from local sword swallower Jamie Lynn Sebah.

The popular “steel slurper” will show kids how to put a two and a half foot sword down their throats, pass the epiglottis, pass the voice box (prominentia laryngea), pass the pharynx, pass the sphincter, and down the esophagus to the lower esophageal sphincter. Then, navigate the blade through the diaphragm, pass the liver, and then to the stomach. All before lunch.

The kids will have their choice of samurai swords, bayonets, cavalry sabers, or stove pokers.

Later she will teach them fire eating, knife throwing and snake charming.

Following lunch there will be an Elephant Man look-a-like contest.

Admission is free but the heat for the Forestville Historical Society is not.

Left Handed Vice Presidents at the Historical Society

August 13, 2016

history 01

The Forestville Historical Society is hosting a program called Being Left Handed and Vice President this Tuesday August 16th from 7PM to 9PM.

According to the program’s organizer Aldridge Rumrick, there have been five known left handed vice presidents in American history: Henry Wallace, Harry Truman, Gerald Ford, Nelson Rockefeller, and George H.W. Bush.

The evening will start with the documentary film, Left Handed and a Heartbeat Away, narrated by Jim Lehrer. The film takes a critical look at the pressures of being left handed and being vice president simultaneously and asks the questions, how does being left handed affect the vice presidency and how does the vice presidency affect being left handed?

Following the film a panel discussion moderated by Parnell Williams will take place and include notable left handed Forestville residents.

The panel will discuss the following:

* The impact of monetary policy and the economy on left handed vice presidents

* Costs and benefits of a left handed vice president

* How does international law affect a left handed vice president differently than a right handed vice president?

A Q&A segment will follow the panel discussion.

All left handed people are encouraged to attend.

Right handed people are certainly welcome but are not encouraged to attend. Seating is limited.

March 19, 2016

Newsdesk 01

From the Forestville NewsDesk.

Dateline Saturday March 19, 2016. Alan Boardman reporting.

Fortune Teller


Forestville resident Mora Casabian recently canceled her subscription to Fortune Teller Magazine, complaining to friends she said, “It reads me while I read it.”


Recently, a suspicious looking car drove down a suspicious looking road and passed a suspicious-looking person in a highly suspicious section of Forestville, police said late Friday.

The car drove off, the person walked away but the road remains at large. Apparently no one was hurt during the incident.

Unknown Relic Remains Safely Unknown


An unknown historic relic that has gone undiscovered remains unknown and undiscovered, according to Forestville historian Elgin Plinth.

Mr. Plinth speaking at the Forestville Historical Society intimated that he does not know what the artifact is or where it is, but he is close to finding it.

Woman Dissatisfied with Book


Libby Baggins visited Borders and purchased a book called Sketchbook and was disappointed. “I thought it would contain famous sketches and drawings, but when I brought it home and opened it I discovered that every page was completely blank. Who sells a book with blank pages?” she asked.

Correction to the article, Unknown Relic Remains Safely Undiscovered:

It was stated that Mr. Plinth did not know where the artifact is, but he plans on finding it soon.

This should be corrected to read:
A man in Plainville did find the relic and Mr. Plinth plans on stealing it from him soon.

Moreover, the statement:
An unknown historic relic that has gone undiscovered…
Should be changed to:
An unknown relic that has absolutely no historical significance has gone undiscovered due to lack of interest by archaeologists…

Speed of Sound

speed of sound

Lastly, I am not sure I like the idea of these hypersonic passenger jets they are developing. How do you carry on a conversation when traveling faster than the speed of sound?